WHAT can WE do?

There was a discussion on the radio this morning, that the public transit system is going to try to make it safer for women. Although they are not sure how, they are going to try. This came on the heels of a story about a female who was riding the subway one night, when a man sat next to her and kept offering his opinions and thoughts on her body, build and what he thought about it. He proceeded to ask questions about her family, sisters, where they all hung out. She tried to make contact with other riders, however no one was coming to her aid. Eventually she got off, noticed that he followed her, so she jumped back on, he did the same. When they got to the end of the line, she ran up the stairs to safety. I do not know how old this person was, I would SAY she SOUNDED like someone in their 20’s. The next point that was made was about how officially the transit system has not had many complaints about situations like this, and did not perceive it as an issue. A LOT of females were texting the radio station, to give their stories, about how garbage like this happens ALL the time, not just cat-calling as we walk down the street, but how they are frequently ‘bumped into’ or brushed up against, stared at and even approached. To that some men were texting / calling the station stating that women over react, and we need to suck it up.

I was around 16 when I first encountered something like this. I was walking home from a doctors appointment after school and a man (must have been in is 40’s) pulled over and asked me if I wanted a ride. This is 1990'ish, there were no cell phones, I simply said no thank you and kept walking, FAST. When on the subway or bus going back and forth to school, friends places, shopping, if a cute guy said something, my friends and I would giggle and blush, when it was someone we thought was ‘gross’ we would ignore them or if we were feeling brash, tell them off. If I was alone, I kept my headphones on, tried my best not to make eye contact. In college, my friends and I had crushes on some of our profs, and our TA’s… we spent a long time discussing how we could get their attention. When I think about that now, I am actually disgusted that some of the objects of our flirting actually flirted back…

What I THINK I am trying to say is that it is a strange paradox as to when the leering and comments are unwelcome in (at least in my younger)persons mind. NOT that any of it is acceptable, we as humans should be able to ride the subway or be in any public space without being subject to some ones creepy or lewd actions if not thoughts.

The suggested solution at the moment, from what the media is reporting, is they are looking to develop an app which will allow you to photograph someone without them knowing and you can send it in. UMM… NO. THAT makes me very uncomfortable, there are too many ways for that type of service to be misused, we do have a system of “Innocent until PROVEN guilty”. Social Media justice is not the answer, and in the case of riding on transit, if the photo then goes to security, will security then get on at the next stop? That part could be useful, but again, in the wrong hands also could be quite damaging.

As adults we know, or should know that a lot of what we can read on the Internet can be fabricated, and I may take flack for this statement but younger minds don’t quite get it. I have discussions on a frequent basis with my 13 year old about things that she read on the net, that just are NOT true, they are made up or made to be a certain way for some kind of benefit. I had to have a discussion with my children about (and it was not the first time) various game or sites that can track locations — — It is not a good idea for them.

Back to the subject of being a girl / woman in a society where it is a fairly regular event to be brushed up against, cat called, ogled, even shamed for body type and or clothing, how can we help change it? TEACH ALL CHILDREN and YOUTH RESPECT for one another. IF you are with friends and someone makes a comment that you think is not appropriate, CALL them out. I am not sure of the short term solution, this is not a new subject or discussion. What do you think?