Stuff I’ve learned so far - on my 36th birthday

1. Most people have heard the phrase “pick your battles.” You rarely hear the reason why. Your energy is finite. Battles take energy. Everything is a battle, if you chose to take it on. Everything. It makes it a lot easier to “let things go” if you don’t take hold of them in the first place. If I say to myself, “Wait and see how you feel about that later before you react,” one of two things usually happens. Either I find out more information that changes the game anyway, or I forget what it was I might have had the “reaction” to in the first place. It can be helpful to learn how to navigate this if you — -
2. Spend some time learning about the brain, psychology, and the science of how people work. Spend time learning about yourself as well as others. If you can develop a basic understanding of our internal processes, it can help to demystify the behaviors of others as well as yourself. In turn, life’s punches can become less personal, and perhaps more importantly, less isolating. That being said — -
3. Building a relationship with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. No, I’m not going to tell you that if you have insecurities, you should look in the mirror and smile until you learn to love yourself. Gag. What is that, anyway? It’s always some A-list movie star saying those things, too. If you’re like me, the longer I look in a mirror, the higher my chances of a total mental breakdown become. For me, feeling good is the awareness that we are all the same. Same raw materials, same needs for survival, same propensity to fuck everything up when we get the chance. Being a certain level of beautiful won’t stop your husband from banging the neighbor’s nanny if that’s what he chooses to do. I may still have insecurities about my physical attributes, but, at 36, I can honestly say that I know I’m a good person and I know what I deserve. If the man in my life bolted today, I’d be cry like a baby. When I was done crying, life would go on like normal. That’s what life does, it goes on….
4. Until it doesn’t. However many years you get to live, it probably won’t seem like long enough. Few people have lived largely enough to say that they are ready to go… that they’ve done everything they wanted to do. By this point, I’ve lost many people to tragic accidents, illnesses, suicides - you get the point. Death has been an active part of my life, for a long time now. While it may sound cliche, it does force you to appreciate the brevity of our time in this life. Losing someone you love, especially a young someone, makes you want to appreciate those you have left so much harder, stronger, with more fullness. It has caused me to want to open up and let people closer, which has been a lifelong struggle. Unfortunately I can speak first hand to losing someone that I was not on good terms with at the time of their death. It was a matter that should have been resolved ages before, but was left hanging, and I’m not sure I’ll ever feel right about that. However, you can guarantee it won’t happen again. Yes, a relationship with yourself is very important. Your relationships with other people are too.
5. Get very comfortable with chaos. Life is an unbelievable roller coaster of surprises, and it never it stops. Sometimes it slows down and does a couple of smaller hills to let you catch your breath before it sends you upside down or through a tunnel of pitch black terror again. Life, just like a roller coaster, is only enjoyed when you’re able to hold your head properly forward and maintain the right frame of mind. Despite the element of danger that lies in every choice you could make, you’re probably going to be okay. The vast majority of the time - you’re going to be okay.