Look, pal, we’ve all been there: you’ve just got on the bus on your way home from work, and as you take a seat, you notice her out of the corner of your eye. She looks a little disheveled, tired, maybe a little worse for wear from the long workweek, but she’s cute. You’d like to go up to her, maybe introduce yourself, see if she needs a friend.
But seriously: just don’t. Think about it for a second. Would she be wearing those big headphones if she wanted people to come up and accost her? Would she be reading that magazine if she wanted the so-called ‘pleasure’ of your conversation?
I get it. That might make her seem seem unfriendly or cold or, dare I say, “ a bitch.” You may think you’re a nice guy. And you might be! But women are made to feel unsafe in public spaces all the time, in a way that men— by virtue of their male privilege — never have to experience. For instance, I bet you’ve never had to deal with strangers coming up to you and start running their hands through your hair, all because “I’ve always wondered what dreadlocks feel like,” or “wait, is your face just an upside down mop with googly eyes glued onto it?” Well, she has.
You might be thinking “It’s not like that!” or “ I just want to say hello” or even “why do her Beats By Dre headphones have the word SHIT scrawled across them? that seems awfully wasteful!”
Try to resist the urge to stare. The last thing this poor girl needs is to be subjected to the male gaze more than she already is. It doesn’t matter if “she’s smokin hot” or “she’s got great cans!” or “no, literally — her torso is just made out of pop cans. But the words are changed from ‘Pepsi’ and ‘Coca cola’ and ‘Dr. Pepper’ to things like ‘Pollution’ and ‘Corporate media’ and ‘Dr. Propaganda’.”
Even seemingly innocuous questions will probably leave her tense. A simple “So, what’re you reading?” just serves to remind her that society believes you’re entitled to her space. Do you seriously need to know that she’s reading a pile of loose printer paper with things like “THE SYSTEM” or “SOCIAL NORMS” printed on them in big red ink? Just leave her be, dude.
And dear god: don’t pull out your phone to take her picture. That’s invasive, creepy, and contributes to the culture of women being made to feel helpless and objectified. It doesn’t matter if “that’s not actually even a human woman” or “clearly this is a sculpture by the notorious street artist Banksy, designed to make us think about how our consumerism is the State’s method of turning the impoverished into unthinking piles of trash.”
Repeat after me: Just. Leave. Her. Alone.