Wokest Law in America: Don’t Mispronounce Arkansas or Else…

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I’m not a judge. I’m a lawyer. But if I were a judge and had to go around the country passing judgment on the laws of this great nation, I’d do so gladly and with glee. The law that I would start with is Title 1 Chapter 4 Section 104 of the Arkansas Code.

This law regulates how to say the name Arkansas. It’s a great law. It basically says that a person must pronounce the name of the state in a specific way. You can’t pronounce it ArKansas or Arkansasss. It’s Arkansaw.

I love that Arkansas has made a rule about how you should pronounce the state name. The pronunciation is not up for discussion, it’s not based on whether you’re from New England or the Midwest, or your mood that day, it’s regulated by law. I appreciate that very much. As a person whose name can be pronounced in a myriad of ways, it’s nice to have some uniformity. I hate that when I introduce myself to someone they almost immediately forget the way I pronounced my name and say it however they want. As though my pronunciation were merely a suggestion or a starting off point. A recommendation on the name menu but they’re free to order up whatever version of my name they wish.

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At least, try to say my name correctly. Don’t just assume that I don’t care how my name is pronounced or that it doesn’t matter to me. Of course it matters to me — IT’S MY NAME! Why would it not matter to me or anyone? Why would I not care?

I’m sure there are people in the world who don’t care how their name is pronounced. But I suspect that most people who claim they don’t care, have just been browbeaten from years of people telling them they should “relax” and “calm down” about their name being said wrong. As if they are the problem when the truth is the mispronouncers are the problem!

They’re rude. And lazy. And there are no repercussions for their misbehavior. There’s no penalty. No law. But I’d love it if there were. I’d love it if when people mispronounced my name they were fined or arrested or even served jail time!

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Yeah, I said it - jail time. Is that extreme? Severe? Arkansas doesn’t think so. I found no evidence of any actual arrest for breaking this law but hope springs eternal.

This information does not constitute legal advice, is not to be acted on as such, may not be current and is subject to change without notice. It’s intended to be funny. So laugh.