Welcome to Ireland
This is an important notice for female passengers.
In advance of our descent into Dublin airport, cabin crew are now circulating to collect the bodily autonomy of all female passengers.
We would appreciate if you could place your bodily autonomy in the bag provided and have it ready to surrender please.
In compliance with Irish legislative requirements your bodily autonomy will be stored securely by the airline and returned to you upon exiting the country.
As you may be travelling from a country which provides free, safe, and legal abortion in line with international standards of human rights and therefore may not be accustomed to the nationalisation of your uterus, here are some important reminders:
In Ireland unwanted pregnancy is punishable by either forced pregnancy or a prison term of up to 14 years for procuring an abortion.
(Important to note that this punishment includes pregnancies with fatal foetal abnormalities which ensure that the child will not survive outside the womb, and also pregnancy as a result of rape.)
Abortion is only allowable when there is an “imminent and substantial risk to a woman’s life, including suicide” The assessment of up to six doctors may be required and in the event that permission to have a “good” abortion is granted your bodily autonomy will be returned to you for the duration of the procedure, (along with a lengthy treatise on the nature of paradox) after which it must once again be surrendered to the airline for storage.
Finally, it is also illegal to order abortion pills online and perform an abortion at home. In compliance with Irish legislative requirements we would ask that you disregard the fact that The World Health Organization lists Mifepristone and Misoprostol, the medicines for abortion, on the list of essential medicines that should be available everywhere. Also please disregard the fact that Mifepristone and Misoprostol are statistically safer to take than Viagra; that they are 98% effective in ending a pregnancy when used correctly and that millions of women have used this method safely.
It is therefore illegal to order Mifepristone and Misoprostol from www.womenhelp.org and perform an abortion in Ireland with their support and professional medical oversight as many Irish women have done.
Thank you for your attention. We hope you enjoy your stay in Ireland, the land of a hundred thousand welcomes, and as the old Irish saying goes,
May the wind be always at your back and may all your condoms remain intact.