No One Asked For This
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio officially announced his candidacy for president this week, bringing the total number of Democratic candidates to god damned everybody.
His much-maligned campaign launch brought the New York City mayor much ridicule, and a recent poll of his own NYC voters — the people who had overwhelmingly elected him mayor twice — showed even they don’t want him to run for president.
His whole candidacy seems like a publicity stunt. I mean, maybe he’s only running because he no longer wants to be mayor. I guess…he’s just born to be in it, man.
Oh, sorry, that’s Beto O’Rourke.
Quick aside: What are we even supposed to make of Beto? “Real Time” guest James Kirchick put it best this week when he said everyone running for the Democratic nomination fits pretty well into one of three categories:
1. People who actually want to win, and have a reasonable chance to win
2. People who want publicity, book deals, or a radio/TV show
3. Beto O’Rourke, who is having a mid-life crisis
Initially it seemed like Beto was clearly in Group #1. He’s a popular, charismatic former Congressman from Texas, whose 2018 U.S. Senate bid captured the attention of the nation. Liberals from around the country chipped in to his campaign, hoping he would unseat Ted Cruz.
Even after his narrow defeat in November, O’Rourke seemed like a candidate on the rise. Several former Obama advisors lined up behind his campaign. Polls showed him in the thick of it. He had a chance to “catch on” nationwide. And, truth be told, he still does.
But Beto seems to be running for president because…he’s…sad? He spent a lot of time roaming the country trying to “find himself” after his Senate defeat in 2018. Before his recent campaign relaunch, he wouldn’t even go on national television to promote himself or his vision for the country, opting instead to accomplish his primary goal of giving a Dead Poet’s Society speech on every restaurant counter top in the state of Iowa.
But there is a far more annoying problem than Beto’s up-and-down campaign. It’s the multitude of other candidates, including Bill de Blasio, that have decided to make misguided late entrances into a race that doesn’t want them.
Pro tip: After the first 15 or 20 candidates announce, you should really think twice before jumping in too. I mean, the market is quite saturated now. If you don’t have a specific constituency, or distinct message, or reason for anyone to listen to you speak, why bother?
Plus it’s making more work for the rest of us.
“Great, now I have to learn the difference between John Hickenlooper and Michael Bennet.” Do you know the difference between John Hickenlooper and Michael Bennet? Of course you don’t.
In my extensive, minutes-long research into these two men, I’ve learned they have many things in common:
· They’re both statewide elected officials from Colorado
· They’re both running for president
· Even their mothers can’t tell them apart
Some of the also-rans do have a concrete reason for running: Tulsi Gabbard distinguishes herself on foreign policy. Jay Inslee is running on reversing climate change. Then there’s Eric Swalwell, who is campaigning for the crucial “Eric Swalwell’s family” vote.
There is even someone named “John Delaney” running for president. I swear I’m not making this up.
And I’m not even talking about the gadfly candidates that appear in every presidential cycle. You know, the people with no elected experience and a lot of money who decide for whatever reason that the one thing they can definitely do is run the entire world. They never win of course, but they’re always there.
No, I’m talking about actual elected politicians who are just now deciding to enter the race for president.
What are all these people doing? The Democrats already have the largest and most diverse field ever. I mean, you’ll never hear someone say, “Yeah, I like all my choices for president. But do you know what’s missing? Congressman Seth Moulton.”
No one asked for this. Can they even fit all these people on stage for 2 nights of debates? Can you imagine having to plan those things?
“Ok, here’s what we’ll do: 30 candidates, one stage. Everyone gets time for one question and one rebuttal. The debate will be… (pulls out calculator) 12 hours long. Can someone toss Anderson Cooper a Red Bull?”
Maybe they’ll do it American Idol-style, with people texting in their votes of candidates they want to stay for the next night of debates.
What a nightmare. And it’s not like the Democrats are bereft of quality candidates. The first 12 or so who entered the race feature many qualified candidates, including Senators, Congressman, Governors, and again, someone named “John Delaney.”
So does Bill de Blasio really think he can win? Of course not. He’s just one of the many people getting in the way.
But it’s a free country, and everyone wants their moment in the spotlight. Unfortunately, that’s coming at the expense of other candidates who’ve been hard at work on the ground in primary states for months, slowly building support, fundraising, staffing up, laying out policy proposals, and eating foods they would never eat in a million years if they weren’t sucking up to, like 5 voters in Iowa.
Ok, I see your point, late-comers. Well played.
