Letting go of the desire to control what other people think of me has been one of the hardest changes to make within myself. Our generation says we have no f*cks to give. Our generation lies. I was Mitch on “Paid in Full” crying in the car after they snatched Sunny. I wanted everybody who ever had anything negative to say about me to pay lol. I wanted the ones who whispered behind my back when I was down to whisper now after I had picked myself up. I wanted to prance around in front of them in a shirt that read “talk that sh*t about me now.” I wanted them to look at me and have no choice but to be quiet.. and mad. I smiled imagining the looks on their faces, like they had been sucking on lemons.🍋

But the truth is the smirk on my face was just as bitter as the frowns on theirs. I was just as caught up and as messy as them. Because I was more concerned about ⠀⠀controlling what they thought than. ⠀⠀⠀ controlling my own thoughts. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Why was I worried about them? One word: PRIDE. Pride will do more damage to your life than what people think about you ever could. Truth was, if they were negative about my last situation they’d just be negative about my new one no matter how much “better” I thought I was doing. If they went digging up dirt on my last relationship they’d just go digging up dirt on my new one. Talked down on my last position? They’d talk down on the new one. Was I going to continue to be caught up on controlling what they thought about me to the point that I started to tell them my business, giving them brand new things to attack? That was silly. If I had these good things going why not protect them by being selective in what I chose to share and with whom I chose to share it?

This was not about secrecy. This was about privacy, being free of being observed or disturbed from other people. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

I’ve decided to no longer be moved by my pride. ‘Better those who don’t wish me well anyway have it all wrong about me and be off track, than have it right and threaten my peace. I decided to stop trying to control what they thought about me and no longer give away too much trying to prove a point. I decided to let it go.