And sometimes everything happens at once and all you can do is to compartilize and keep it moving. Don’t be late! Then you take a second to slow down and the pain that you haven’t had the time to deal with hits you like a wave. You go numb as a defense mechanism to deal with the ebbs and flows, and do your best to show up. To hold space. Then that moment of silence strikes again and you can’t hold back the tears. It sinks in.
It’s sinking in.
You try to dance it out at 5 rhythms, you go for a long walk, you try to rationalize the whole cycle of life and death to with your friends. Try to make sense of it all. It doesn’t make sense but you tell yourself one day it might. Then you answer emails and just keep on swimming. Bury the pain in the do do, get it done by EOD.
Silent comes back. Then tears flow as you remember those sweet little moments, the experiences, the mannerisms…that unique humor, quirky laugh… It hits you. Life has been lived. Time to transform again. You wished you would have had more QUALITY TIME. Say I LOVE YOU MORE. Call more often. That overwhelming feeling of “not enough”. More tears flow and and all can you do is to embrace the moment, face the pain and trust when we all transform and join a greater unity in the unknown, see each other again.
YOU FEEL ALL THE LOVE.
What a poetic journey life is….
Over the weekend my family lost our dear grandfather, Maestro Alcibiades Quintero Hernandez, a pioneer of music and culture in Montelibano, Colombia. The same day as my little niece Aria was coming into the world…I’m still trying to process it but haven’t fully had the time to do so. What a beautiful bittersweet circle.
Right now, as it’s finally silent, it hit me that we won’t hear his voice again. His clarinet won’t sound again.
As I type this all I can do is to be grateful for the time we had together. Give thanks for the legacy that he left and the joy he brought to everyone he touched. For his stories, for his voice, for his eternal love for music and his family. For his magic hands and lungs. For his heart.
I’m thankful from meeting a human that fearlessly pursued what made him happy and try to satisfied his restless soul ‘till the last breath.
One more song. One more dance. Let’s watch the sunrise.
The void that he’s left is incomparable but I shall dig deep into my own self to find his essence, connect with that energy that runs through my veins. Honor it. I’m thankful for his legacy of hard work, honesty, love for his family, engagement with his community, never ending curiosity, his simplicity. Living a life of service.
As I acknowledge the beautiful chaos of it all, the cycles of birth or death, it’s ephemeral and unforgiving nature, I ponder what life experience do I want to live?
I choose to create. I choose to flow in this beautiful experience called life and be a vessel for light and love. As I’m turning the page and taking the phase of radically saying FUCK YES! to life seriously and continuing the align with the value system I’m dissecting. I trust the process.
I will continue focusing on doing that more, LOVE. Spreading and infusing everything I do with all of my love. Awaken the the love that I know that love flows in the air and moves the tiny leaves and help us breath that sometimes people can’t see. I will show them. I will hold the mirror for them.
I will plant more seeds.
I will buy hundreds of acres of land and plant more trees.
I will try my honor my original fire ‘till my last breath.
My grandfather lived to 100 years. 100 of LOVING and changed many lives.
Thank you Abuelito.I know you are making sweet melodies in heaven. I will celebrate you. I will turn these tears into art.
I will love you forever…