

My daughter began kindergarten the year we met. Yesterday was her first day of 7th grade. Officially, she’s my step-daughter. But, I haven’t referred to her as that for years. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It just happened. People would ask “Do you have any kids?” Without realizing it, my reply became, “Yes, I have a daughter.”
Our family building journey has not been without it’s challenges. For the first couple years Alexis knew me as her mother’s best friend. We all lived together, but the full truth was hidden from her. She was still reeling from her parents divorce and we didn’t want to add any further confusion to her life.
As someone who never wanted children, I was fine with how things were playing out. It was as if I was a bit of an outsider in her life. I was involved in all of the parental things, but I wasn’t emotionally tied to being a parent. Those first years were a major trial for me. As much as I loved Andrea, I often questioned whether or not this family dynamic was the right fit for me. I considered packing up and leaving many times.
As time passed, I realized that I was getting the hang of the whole parenting thing. Being Alexis’ parent wasn’t just a requirement for dating her mother. It wasn’t something that I had to do. It became something that I enjoyed. I became fully engaged in all aspects of her life. My days of sitting on the sidelines had ended.
I feel that after we had the “talk” about the true relationship between her mother and I, things evolved. I no longer just lived with my girlfriend and her daughter. I lived with my family. No more secrets or hiding the truth of who we were. We had “family” time and “family” talks. My eyes and heart were opened and there was no going back.
It’s crazy to me as I look back to the beginning of it all. While Alexis has aspects of both her mother and father in her personality, she also has mine. She’ll say something that will be something I would say. I can see me in her. I cannot tell you how amazing that is! All of those years of thinking that if I left, it wouldn’t matter…I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Alexis turns 13 in about two weeks. We’ve grown together. I’ve learned from her and she’s learned from me. Being the mother of a teenager won’t be easy. I expect the “I hate you” and the “you’re not my mom” outbursts. I won’t lie, it’ll hurt. But, I love her enough to not take it to heart. Or at least do my very best not to.
I still have a lot to learn, I won’t lie. I’m going to make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Who doesn’t? It isn’t as if there’s a step by step parents guide out there. Trust me, I’ve looked. There will be ups and downs, good times and not so good ones. But, I can honestly say that I am in this for the long haul. I love my kid and there’s just nothing at all she can do about it.
