What am I doing here?

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I’ve decided to taint yet another online platform with my presence. I’m like a shit version of Midas (yeah, we’re on first name basis).

But I’m here and, much like Donald Trump, I’m here to stay until it literally gets to the point that someone has to assassinate me to prevent me from posting another zygote of an opinion.

I’m starting to feel a bit awkward writing in continuous prose now so lets crank this baby up a notch into list gear.

A comprehensible list regarding my reasons for entering The Medium (not how it’s commonly referred to, but something I think will catch on if I hammer it in hard enough)

• There’s a lot to be said for list comedy, and I’m here to say it. Not right now. But at some point.
• I’m going to force myself to write because that’s what all the successful people on the podcasts tell me to do.
• Unlike with youtube, I don’t feel obliged to be even vaguely presentable when uploading onto this platform, because you can’t see me. I could be sitting here typing this with a hobnob balanced on each breast. (I’m not — hobnobs aren’t vegan. But I COULD be.) That’s a luxury I don’t get with YouTube. Or in lessons at sixth form. I learnt that the hard way.
• In reference to point 2, I just scrolled down on Medium and saw an article entitled ‘Why online courses, podcasts, and blog posts won’t solve all of your problems’. WELL, FUCK THIS THEN.
• (That was me introducing one of the many sub themes of my writing — my commitment issues. More on that later, kids!)
• My exams start in about a month and I’m procrastinating.

Anyway, I need a wee now. It has been swell(ing, like my bladder). To quote my old friend Arnold, ‘I’ll be back’.