And remember, clout doesn’t pay the bills!

Recently, a guy I would have died to be dating two years ago sent me a message. He briefly alluded to the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. To which I replied that I was seeing someone. He then said most profound (& annoying) thing a guy has ever said to me concerning dating.

If somehow everything worked out and the stars aligned I would cuff you because you’re a little gem.

‘Cuff’ — to date someone.

And in this moment of validation, I realised something even more profound. When you invest your time in yourself and start to actualize the vision of yourself you have in your head, the people you once looked up to will come around and start seeking your validation instead. In all my years of dating and seeing boys without ever really putting a title on the relationship, one thing rings true: people want things that they can’t have.

As a woman, it is important to push past the mirage that is men with disposable attributes. For example, clout.

Clout — being famous and having influence.

Clout is one disposable attribute that young girls, like myself, can’t seem to put past them. It is like the lights, makeup, and special fx that make you desire certain men even though you know they’re not all that and a bag of chips. Clout is a driving factor when you still need validation from the people surrounding you.

Because being associated with x automatically means that you have the same social ranking as x, and therefore you get to assimilate the friendship group/social circle of which you’ve always been an outsider. Higher social circle ultimately equals greater perks and more access to the benefits of your new found status in society. So in the grand scheme of things, is maximising the benefits of your allure/existence the worst thing you could possibly do? Not necessarily; but when we go deeper and explore the root cause, your personality doesn’t change and will not stand the test of time.

Weak personalities that seek validation from external sources soon come to the realisation that although validation is a sweet drug, it’s half life is short. Meaning, it’s gone before you know it and you’re back to square one.

Clout, much like money, can to a power dynamic in a relationship. Power inequalities in relationships rarely play out in favor of the one who holds less of it. In conclusion, manifesting who you want to be and gaining social acclaim should be something one does on their own — if you’re interested in that sort of thing. Using relationships as a way to acquire that often leads to a messy show in which both parties are left with a bitter taste afterwards. And remember, clout doesn’t pay the bills.