Asking Your Way to Happily Ever After
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She slowly walked towards the pastor.
Everything turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom’s mother fainted.
The groomsmen gave each other looks and wondered how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman,
“Can you tell us why you came forward?
What do you have to say?”
The woman replied,
“We can’t hear in the back.”
I’m assuming we have all made assumptions, thinking we know something when we don’t know anything. The effects can be humorous, but devastating.
In ‘The Four Agreements’, by Don Miguel Ruiz, the Third Agreement is: “Don’t Make Assumptions.”
Ruiz claims we make assumptions about anything unknown or unexplained. If we don’t know something, we are too afraid to ask questions. Then our thoughts kick in, and we start imagining ideas and stories. We dream up motives people may have had to make them act a certain way, and our fears lead us to decide they must be true. We don’t like to not know something, so we shortcut the process of getting to the truth. Then we can believe we already know what other people are doing and thinking.
Ruiz says: “we need to ask questions and learn what people are feeling instead of assuming we know.”
Everyone see things differently. Be yourself, and allow others to be themselves, and ask them for what you want, and ask others what they want.
Do The Big Ask
Questions are the antidote to assumptions. If the pastor had asked the woman with the baby a question sooner, everyone would have understood the situation. Questions allows us to find the truth and improve our communication.
People like to be asked questions about themselves. It makes them feel important and listened to.
Our feelings run deep, and the truth is hidden inside of us.
By engaging people with questions, we build communication and trust. Questions are the path to the truth.
When people answer your questions, listen. There is no point in asking if you don’t listen.
Be generous with answering questions from others too.
The feedback we give one another is a valuable communication tool.
It’s a start to begin communicating happily ever after.
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Thanks Drew Stegmaier and James Writes