I Won The Lottery!
Not that last Powerball that was over a billion dollars. I did buy a ticket for that game. I usually buy a ticket or two every week. I view it as entertainment. I have had dreams at night that I won, so maybe there is a message for me. So far, I have not had any large cash winnings. But I have felt twice in my life, I have won the lottery. Maybe, it’s better than that large jackpot of money. Although I can dream of an early retirement can’t I?
It was eleven years ago, I had a doctor appointment. The doctor found something that was off and sent me to a specialist. Yes, it was cancer and it was aggressive. If that doctor had not found it, that is a very good chance that I would be dead and not writing this. At the time, my world was turned upside down. I couldn’t sleep at night. I had treatment and I am alive today to talk about it.
Most my life, I have been reading self help books and meditating. My childhood and teen years were rough, but I refused to give to the negative upbringing. This diagnosis and treatment were a real eye opener and altered the path of my life. Even though I was trying to be positive, I was stuck at a job that was draining every ounce of self worth that I had. Beating cancer gave me strength to leave this job and find a new one. BTW, the new job is fantastic and I am thriving. I was seeing a therapist at that time and while going through cancer treatment, she drilled it into me that everyday is a gift!
And that doctor who sent me to a specialist, I was going to him for something completely unrelated and minor. To me, I won the lottery! Yes, to this day, have to see my oncologist every few months for a blood test. The concern is, that because the cancer was so aggressive, it could return. None the less, I am here and living and feel like I won the lottery!
Another time that I feel that I have won the lottery is uncovering my authentic self. Any journey of uncovering years of conditioning that became negative self beliefs can feel like winning the lottery. For years, I felt not good enough and unworthy. I felt like I did not matter and other people were more important than me. I felt that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. Yes, this lottery winning was healing and walking away from many false beliefs. Finding your true self is like finding a hidden cache of gold coins.
When I uncovered my true self, it was like opening a an old treasure chest. I found out that I was was worthy, good enough and that my voice counted. And all the bad events that had happened, were not my fault. Then, at the bottom of the treasure chest was one last prize. Yes, the secret that I held deep in my heart my whole life. The secret that I feared could get me abandon, ostracized and beaten up. There it was, my identity and it can come out now. I can walk away from from my false self and lies which held down my self esteem all my life until now. If you have read my other articles, you may know my secret. But it’s no longer a secret. I am transgender.
Transitioning will be tricky for me. My oncologist says no to hormones and frowns on any surgeries. He wants me to be alive and that his concern. If I need treatment, he wants nothing to interfere with it. I love and respect him. That doesn’t stop me from being me. My hair is passed my shoulders and my ears are pierced. I am slowly walking this path, trying ways of helping my outside match my identity. I know who I am and where I am going. I see it during my daily meditation.
Please never stop trying to win the lottery. Buy a ticket if you want to. But more importantly, read a self help book, meditate, journal, work on healing because the lottery you could win could be bigger than the Powerball.
