I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of it all. I’m sick of how once exams are over all my commitments come crashing together, all at the same time. I hate PW, I hate how unfeeling my classmates can be when it comes to their consult slots and being merciful. It’s not like we chose to have an art student in our group, it’s not like we chose to book the slot just a few seconds too late. What happened to the goodwill between us when we helped you guys out numerous times over the year?? Now you’re just going to leave us in the lurch. That’s really nice. Maybe I’m just too stressed about all of this, but can you really blame me when our dry run went so badly yesterday? There’s so much that we need to do but so little time. I’m also really sick of watching my friends suffer but having to turn a blind eye because they don’t know that I know that they have problems. They don’t know that I care. Maybe I don’t show it enough, or maybe it’s a trust that comes with time. time that I don’t have. why did I have to let that friendship go stale back in P6? if i only could i would turn back time, I would make a greater effort to keep close to her. if i had known what would happen this year I would stick by both their sides, so I could prevent it or so that I could at least be a comfort. what’s the point of regret? I ask myself that everyday, every night,everytime she comes into my mind. even now, I’m regretting ranting on this post because I know I’m supposed to be living life cheerfully even through trials, cos Christ has strengthened me first. I’m supposed to be leaning on Him, but I feel like I’ve drifted so far I don’t know how to come back anymore. I have a friend who’s in that same situation, and it saddens me so much that she’s not making the effort to return? I really don’t know what she’s thinking sometimes and this sadness/disappointment/confusion sometimes translates into anger when I talk to her. that’s another regret of mine. I never want to be angry with her but this year I’ve done it so many times. that’s probably the reason why I don’t like to reply her sometimes, it’s so tiring to control my emotions, to act like everything’s ok when it’s not. I’m just thankful that God has kept her safe time and again, in ways that neither of us expected, but I hope she realises this as well and turns back to Him once and for all.

was this just PW angst talking? no, I think it’s my character rearing it’s ugly head because I’m under pressure now. I miss so many people, those whom I used to talk to everyday and who I thought cared for me. maybe it was just me who was a bad friend right?