Anger means your not getting something you want or need. I always use the visual, someone is stepping on my foot, and the anger is saying; “Get off my foot!” I have spent time learning about anger, because my Dad was a rager- I had to look at a way to work with anger that wasnt modelled for me. That didnt mean that I didnt still get angry. I knew anger is part of being human. But it did mean that I didnt want to hurt anyone or any being with it.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross states that any Anger that lasts longer than 20 seconds, is OLD ANGER. It is a feeling that you didnt totally express or allow to process. Anger that doesn’t move or isn’t shown is depression. I have seen that, especially in women who don’t feel comfortable expressing strong feelings. I also experienced in my Dad, how he would get angry, and then be happy the next day, while my mother would do a slow burn. She would often never express her anger, but it would stay with her weeks after the offense causing event happened. Of the two, i saw immediately that my dad was happier overall.
What I do, and I have clients do, is follow that feeling of anger back to the first time it was felt. If you can feel the first instance that started this (often before you are 6) you can turn that over to the Universe and clear the energy around it. Then it no longer will have a hold over you.
This is what I teach my clients:
How to deal with Anger:
- When you get angry, if you can take a pause and get some space around it. Remember, it is an emotion, a human emotion, but you have control over how it manifests and how you portray it to another person.
- Angry means you aren't getting something you want or need. What do you need in this situation?
3. Think, “When was the first time I felt this way?” Anger that lasts for longer than 20 seconds is old anger, it isn't anger that you are feeling for the first time. Think of it as unreleased anger sitting there like a volcano that is activated by something in present time and so it erupts.
Investigate the first time you felt this way, and express it in a healthy way. Then you are no longer attached to that old anger because it is dissolving.
4.Is the person you are dealing with responsible for your anger? Will it help you to get angry at the person or the situation?
5. Can I forgive this action or this event done by this person? Do you want to give them your energy? Forgiving someone means you are not giving them your time, not that you are letting them off from being responsible.
A Happy angry person is an oxymoron. Ann Hoff
Not forgiving is like drinking posion and expecting the other person to die. Nelson Mendala
As for me, I have a new issue with anger. As a “spiritual” person, someone who is in touch with Angels & higher energies, I think I should be above getting angry. However, that simply isnt true. So, when someone is stepping on my foot, I tell myself that I am above it. This leads to me stewing on it, and getting angrier. I need to take care of myself, and say what I need, how I feel. That helps everyone in the room be aware of each other.