the tendency to equate systematic oppression and hurt feelings is a pervasive issue in discussions about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. As if the central issue is the emotional reaction we’re having, not the real life consequences
Please take this in the spirit that it is meant.
Junk Comments
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Debates over whose hurt is more legitimate always end in disaster, much like it did here.

I agree hurt feelings are not the same as denied opportunities, but they can be, and often are in minority communities with reason to be afraid. Problem is fear is ultimately not reasonable and can neither be caused nor countered by facts. In fact plenty of people are afraid of things that don’t even exist. And while someone’s fear is always genuine, what they’re afraid of it not.

But acting on that imaginary threat? Yeah, that usually ends in disaster too, much like it did here.

[edit] Sorry, fatigue led me to misread you and make the right point in the wrong context. You made an extraordinarily gracious and insightful reply to an obnoxious request for validation, and showed far more consideration than I will. You know what you’re talking about, so please keep doing so.

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