I recently decided to start journaling. I try to keep up everyday, but I find it useful when my head is filled with, well… shit.
There’s a lot of garbage out there. It takes up space in our brain. It’s wasted space. Growing up, I always heard people say “believe in yourself” and “It’s not worth getting upset over” and basic, life lessons that we will all some day come to realize are true.
Well. I think I reached that point. Kind of.
For the past 3–4 months, my head hasn’t been on straight. I’m 24, my life is kind of just at a plateau. I haven’t gotten into graduate school for my DPT and I’m working at a job I have no passion for.
It’s troubling and makes me question MANY things. I have self diagnosed anxiety and I tend to play head games with myself. I’m in a long distance relationship and see my GF on occasion when our schedules match up.
I feel I have hit the lowest point I have in my life thus far. I hope it’s the lowest point I will ever hit. I felt hopeless. I felt like I have failed so far at life. I’m not doing anything spectacular. I’m not working and living at my full potential. I stopped believing in myself. I let life eat me apart.
Ever since I got hosed at baseball try outs my junior year of HS, I lost my vision. I had hopes of playing ball through college. I lost confidence.
I have been so worried about other people. What they’re doing with their life, what they think of me, how much they make, how pretty their girlfriend is or isn’t, what others will think if I do [some kind of activity or whatever I decide to do].
I literally felt I have no purpose in life and I add no contribution to anyone’s life.
One day after a miserable day at work, I thought, “What is my purpose? Why was I chosed to be put in this world?”
See, I believe everyone has a purpose. Whether it’s to provide humor to people, or to teach people knowledge, to inspire others, or to help make the world a better place. Obviously, there are countless things people are amazing at.
I always wanted to be good at sports. Great, but what value does that add?
I found that I get a shit ton of pleasure out of helping people.
I want to be the voice of reason. I want to be the person they go to in troubling times. I wanted to be the smiling face they see when they’re not smiling. I want to help people in ANY way I can, because it makes me happy. It motivates me to do more. It makes me excited about the next time I can help someone and it makes me enjoy literally everything.
It’s a high that is so addicting.
I’m still working at an unhappy job. But i am moving in a direction that I haven’t been in for a while. That direction is “forward.”
I am finally making progression. I am trying to keep my mentality healthy. I want to maintain strong mental health.
I began journaling. I keep a notebook that I let my brain spill on. No limitations.
I began meditating. I just started, but I hear it has such great benefits.
I started to hit the gym a lot. I just need to stay consistent. My body feels healthier with this.
I started eating healthier and not sooo much at one sitting.
I need to make myself (Body. Mind. Soul) as best I can before I can do anything else. Because if I’m not alive, I can’t do what makes me happy. Helping people in ANY way, makes me happy.
I think I found my purpose. Now it’s time to start living with it.