I read this article, and I also read the comments, and I feel with this that no truth telling has been established here. People are complimenting your writing style and how good your piece was, and its their prerogative, but nobody, well save for a few but, almost nobody is telling you the truth about why your relationship died in a fire. After reading this piece, I’m trying to figure out WHY!?

Dude, lets be frank. You fucked up. YOU. Nobody else but YOU. You wrote this article in a way guys always do when they have done a series of selfish fuckups and try to push off the blame on everyone EXCEPT you. Every dude has done it at least once in their life (Maybe not in a relationship, could be anything.) I mean, your beginning paragraph just told me about you. How you apparently just hated masturbation because the act is “shameful”. Why was it shameful, maybe because you were married and thought you didn’t have to do it anymore? But, the kicker for me is while you are complaining about what damn near every guy on the planet has done, your ex wife was injecting herself with hormonal drugs,twice a day for three weeks, which actually gets many women sick when they take it, her going through some agonizing days while you complain about relieving blue balls. And then, this line:

“Inside the clinic, Katherine attempts her first injection under the watchful eye of the doctor. Her hands shake. I record the scene on my iPhone for review later (in case she forgets) but also because it’s somehow absurdly funny.”

I read this, and while others probably went, “Oh, that was an emotional outpouring honesty and grief”, I went, WHAT A PRICK.

But then, oh then, the fact you went to Burning Man while she was worrying about whether the procedure would take. It wasn’t a business trip, it was fucking BURNING MAN! Happens every damn year. You tried to say “Well, my brother and I haven’t seen each other in a while” He couldn’t come over to the house? Was he banned from the home? Is there not a bar in Vancouver you and he could have drank and watched sports? “Well, its the most significant trip I’ve taken with my brother and I didn’t want to let him down.” Seriously, HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. And you live in Vancouver, surely a camping trip in the woods would have been a nice trip. The marriage was over when she lost the baby, and you, AT THE BORDER, didn’t turn around, go home and comfort the woman you vowed your undying love to. You didn’t let your brother down, but you sure let HER down by doing that. You didn’t take into account that while you were at Burning Man, taking a litany of photographs, kissing other women, etc., Katherine was at home, ALONE. She was alone in that apartment, looking at the blood in the toilet that signified a lost baby, crying her eyes out. Just selfish. You were selfish. THAT was the signal the marriage was over, in none of this article did you think about her needs, you thought about yours.

Its why, instead of actually thinking of adoption, or surrogacy, or foster care, you went to OPEN THE MARRIAGE. Its why when she questioned you on whether you even wanted children, you didn’t answer with an emphatic yes. You KNOW you didn’t want a kid. The whole infertility angle to this article is a smokescreen to misdirect from the real issues of the failure of this marriage. This article isn’t about her, its about YOU. Its about how YOU to this day do not want to take responsibility for your failure. True responsibility. You opened up the marriage, because you thought you could have the best of both worlds, getting your dick wet while you keep Katherine chained to you as a wife on the side. You thought she was not going to fuck around, at least not as much as you and you thought she wouldn’t enjoy it as much as you.

But then, she did. She enjoyed it ALOT. She became a different person, a better, more vibrant person. She went back to being the woman you met off of Lavalife. Her friends told you as much. I mean they never seen her so vibrant and happy. It was because she wasn’t with you. She was with sexy, yoga partner Cameron. You described him, accomplished athlete, in shape, can fix shit around the house, everything you weren’t. They knew each other for four years, were on friendly terms, And YOU gave Katherine PERMISSION to fuck him. And you were surprised when she was pregnant. The way you were were just gallivanting to every festival known to man with friends and your sidepiece “Mya”, I kept thinking, have you ever taken Katherine to any of these long festival excursions with your friends? Every single red flag was coming up, but you kept going to festivals and having friend time and wild sex with Mya like some dude trying to relive his college days. I mean, this piece read as if it were written by a English major at SoCal, not some thirty something married man. Hell, I’m in my late 20s and I don’t do all this shit. I got to work and pay my bills. Every time you went, you never thought about her for a second, so she got a man that was the opposite of you in not just physicality, but emotionally and mentally.

He was there comforting her during her pregnancy. He was probably there when she was going through her injections and trying to conceive the child. He was probably there when you weren’t, when she lost the baby the first time and probably went and asked her how she felt and made her feel whole again, not sexually, but mentally. Ask yourself, Is it REALLY a shock she chose him over you?

A few hours before, she had revealed how she had begun drifting from our marriage the first time I’d confessed about kissing the other women, almost a year earlier. “You never told me,” I pleaded. “How could I have saved us?”

Yep, right there. That wasn’t what killed your marriage, that was just the lid closing on the casket. Your marriage was in trouble WAY before that started happening. Oh, its been over. Whenever you questioned whether you and Katherine would have children, it was over. When you said in bed with your sidepiece that you felt Katherine drift away from you, it was over. When you took that dumbass video, thinking it was funny for your wife to inject herself with drugs to have your child, it was over.

Loving a person isn’t about being one with self and finding “The One”, its making a commitment of being there with each other for better or for worse. When things were good, you were ok, but when shit went south, you wanted out, and you KNEW you wanted out. Instead of putting that book about open relationships, you should have went down to a divorce lawyer, get the divorce papers, sign them, then present them to Katherine. When she questions it, say “I’m opening up the relationship.” You could have saved some heartbreak, pain and stupidity than doing all of this unnecessary shit. Thats just the truth. It ain’t hate, it ain’t shaming, its just laying it all out there. The full naked truth. You need this, because that article ain’t it.