Teach Me How To Feel
Abby Norman

I remember well the day I started with the first of several antidepressant — it took me some months to get back my feelings — sometimes it felt odd not to feel but all in all I prefer it.
I am still on antidepressants more than 15 years later and on some other stuff (plus after 14 years of intense behavioural therapy where I learned how to get along and not feel like a failure all the time). Inbetween I got the right diagnose — Aspergers. The depression or melancholy as I call it will stay due to the long time I was untreated and even denied by my parents something could be wrong with me.

I too suffered 3 emotional breakdowns, 2 of them masked as burnouts to the outside to make it more acceptable. I am only working part time since the last one (around 25 hrs / week) cause I can’t do more anymore. I am always tired, I am always on the lookout to find time for myself.

I haven’t been thinking about suicide for more then 4 years but if I one day really should consider it I hope I have the right plan ready cause I lost some friends to it and some like me survived their attempts — so I researched to find out how I want to do it if I really once again should feel to do so.

I live the best live possible for me under this circumstances which I never expected. I have 2 sweet cats, an awesome husband with a cool teeanage stepson, I have work, a home, friends, internet, cable tv and a lot of books to read (very important) — I don’t wish for a lot more even we have to guard our money well. My husband is working part time too. This is giving me a lot of contentment I very much was always looking for but I am not sure if I would cling to live if I should to one day and no pill in the world will ever be able to save me

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