When Batman Outsourced the Bat Phone

When Commissioner Gordon, of Gotham City, called the Caped Crusader, he got less than he bargained for.

“Please hold the line while our help desk serves other customers with problems just like you have.

Your call may be recorded for quality assurance and training purposes … and so that we can use it for legal defence if you claim that we have breached our SLAs. Please enjoy the relaxing music.”

“This is Commissioner Gordon. Where is Batman?”

“Thank you for calling us, Commissioner Gordon. May I call you Commissioner?”

“Why isn’t Batman answering this call? This is supposed to be a direct line to him.”

“The Bat phone has been outsourced to our friendly help desk team. How am I able to help to make today awesome for you?”

“We have the Riddler on the loose in Gotham City. This is URGENT!! I need Batman to deal with this NOW!”

Very good, my friend. I just need to get some details so we can work together to give you the very best service possible and try to resolve this little issue as expeditiously as we can.”

“This is useless!”

“Sir, I understand your frustration. I just need some small details to pass on to our service representatives. First, as far as you are aware, you have a contract with us? Do you have the serial number of your equipment, device or city that is displaying the fault, problem or issue?”

“I don’t have any serial number! I need to speak to Batman now!”

“I’ll note that you can’t locate the serial number, and that’s totally Okay. Now, on a scale of 1 to 7, 1 being the most urgent and 7 being the least, what severity would you like to assign for this call?”

“I just want the Batphone. I want to speak directly to Batman! You are wasting my time!”

“We do have a non-aggression policy, my friend, and we have to insist that polite and friendly conversation is going to give us both the best result.”

“I have a criminal running amok throughout my city and you want to lecture me on my phone manners! I’m fed up with this! I’m through with this nonsense call.”

“Just before you go, sir, would you mind doing a short survey on how this call has gone today.”

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