Polyamory-thinking
« But, how can you be in love, or love, two or more people at the same time?»
« Well… I’m gonna ask you some questions:
‘Do you love just your mom or just your dad? Or can you love them both?
Can you love also your bothers and sisters? Can you love your friends too?’
The way I see love is as a spectrum. Everything became a spectrum in my life recently.
When a parcel of air goes up in the atmosphere it expands, get saturated and cloud may forms.
My heart is like that parcel of air, unlike the fact that, it never gets saturated.
My love, was a blank page when my mother gave birth to me.
Step by step, I’ve learnt that love comes in all sorts of colors, all sorts of shapes.
First, you learn to love your family (people who care about you, who teach you life, who warn you about dangers, who protect you, who love you… all this without expecting anything in return) ; this is the unconditional love, such a strong love that it can break you, for all your life. It’s the love you’re gonna look for all your life, it’s a love you want to be there when you change, when you grow. Family love is unchosen unconditional acceptance.
Then, you get to meet people, at school maybe or outside your « nest ».
Some people will stay, some won’t and that’s OK (please respect them, don’t try to hold them, maybe they’ll come back, but they are free and so you are).
Generally, the one who stay in your life, are your second family, or your friends.
Friendship love is chosen conditional acceptance.
There is an important one, a major one I should say. Without it, all others love fade away.
Self-love is a chosen (witch tends to) unconditional acceptance.
Also, there is the love of others : love for strangers people, love for the ones who are different from you. Unknown-love is a chosen state of sharing and spreading kindness, it is the capacity of welcoming the unexpected.
Of course there is plenty of other loves, way of love, etc. I’m just trying to talk about my own perception of love through life.
Last but not least, there is Love. With a big L. You are certainly looking for this one (and if you’re not , lucky-you!). It’s the love you give to your partner(s), wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever-you-call-it.
L.O.V.E is … a chosen conditional engagement of building something with your present-self + your present-lover(s) and your future-self + future-lover(s), while accepting that part of unknown future.
Regardless of what kind of love we are talking about, when love comes in my life, I give it a chance, I give it a space, and time.
My heart isn’t a box and my love doesn’t have boundaries.
When it comes to love, my heart isn’t tinny. It isn’t that small that I cannot love more than one person at the same time.
When love goes away, because sometimes it happens, I don’t erase feelings, or neither the love that I had once. Memories stay, I just don’t add others memories of that particular love.
So no, I don’t replace people either, with another love/lover/friend.
To subtract is unexplored by my heart ; nonetheless, to add, to multiply is familiar to it.
Also, I don’t switch people from the love side to the hate side of my heart : love is a whole, love can’t be bipolar. There is no thing as half love, half hate in my heart.
My heart never shrink, but always expand. »