Love: Battle Wounds And The Process of Rehabilitation…
The sadness of this rings ever so true. At least for me. When I first read this I couldn’t help but be drawn to the words. And then my past caught up with me and engulfed my soul. Memories of brokenness broke out of me. Sorrow of a weaker self. A diminishing of a character that once used to flourish. After reading this quote, I realised that my past of a torturous, abusive love, was indeed a war. And upon my return, was faced with changes in a person that I did not recognise.
Loving someone completely can be a wondrous thing. But loving the wrong someone can be almost catastrophic to one’s being.
I remember the sorrow now as if it was a very distant nightmare. One where you know that it frightened you but can’t seem to recall all the details. Just shadings and shadows that come to you in the stillness of the night. Scarring has been left, of wounds that I thought would never heal. But it has been made ever so clear that time indeed fixes most things. Only now do I see this. Back then, it was a swimming sensation of an endless ocean. Of an eternity of never reaching a shore.
The rehabilitation process after experiencing such a war has been a trying one. For a time I was hobbling around with the lost limbs of a soul tethered by only two remaining veins to a somewhat lifeless body. And it hurt. At best it was an unbearable pain. A pain I was ill-equipped to deal with. But somehow I managed. Picking up the pieces of a love that I later realised, was unrequited. I wasn’t in a partnership that was give and take. I was giving my everything and in return I got nothingness. Emptiness. Loneliness.
That war was finally halted by the waving of a white flag that was put up by my heart. And the knowing that I couldn’t continue comforts me now. Because it showed that I still had some strength left to leave. Which was a tiny yet important victory.
So here’s to all those who can’t quite seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Through time, you will be basking in the full rays of the warmest of suns. And take comfort in the knowing that you are not alone. We are all basket cases in the eyes of love. And sometimes, it can be a vengeful nemesis for you to be battling against. But the strength and knowledge after fighting such a militaristic battle will most definitely enlighten you and set you free.
Originally published at thelonepanda.com on February 10, 2015.