Love and Cultural Narratives: Our escape
I struggle with labels, we all do.
Labels keep us in boxes, they oppress the natural flow of our personal and cultural growth. When we take labels on as an identity it almost always invites failure — shame soon follows behind. For Example at one point in time you may identify as a Vegan, and then later on recognize that the diet does not provide your body with what it needs. On account of taking on the label as an identity many might take this shift a shameful personal failure. What if for a moment we altered our outlook on labels? Instead of choosing an inflexible label as a rigid identity, instead what about choosing a way of being that is true for what is needed right now? Choosing this with the full understanding that tomorrow you are not obligated to BE the same way. Sexuality, Gender Polyamory, Monogamy could all be understood as a spectrum of Humanness that we freely flow through. Labels could be seen not as a necessity but rather as breadcrumbs to those that would share your vision. With that adjustment of perspective perhaps there is a certain merit in the community and sense of acceptance labels could call forth. A sense of “Hey, me too. It’s good to not be alone.”
I will speak now of “Polyamory” a seemingly taboo word in celebrity media.
Not many celebrities in the public eye are willing or knowledgable enough in subcultures to come out to the world as polyamorous. Even less of these public figures would dare use the word “polyamory” or “non-monogamous”. The few that do admit to these alternative forms of relating almost always characterize it as a trait that belongs to their relationship, as opposed to a trait that is their individual choice.
I am going to make an educated guess that these percise choice of words are often a hard suggestion from their publicists.
I.E. Will Smith and Jada Pinket Smith are in an Open Relationship
Will Smith practices Non-Monogamy, as does Jada Pinket Smith. They are in a Partnership together.
This frustrates me. It conveys an exaggerated insular binary restriction attached to the already minuscule amount of media coverage that polyamory receives. I can’t even imagine how my Solo Poly* friends must feel to have this dyadic social standard pushed upon them. Not only does this offer a narrow perspective of relationships but it also feeds into the “Myth of the one”**. Implying that even if you are “coming out” it isn’t taken seriously unless you have a partner to complete you. To be whole, is to be united with your “other half” — or halves if you are so inclined.
Simular to Bi/Pan sexuality and Gender Neutrality the mainstream media has a hard time seeing things in a non-binary way. Bisexuality is often judged as nothing but a transitionary phase; and gender fluidity/neutrality just does not compute. Imagine spending a good portion of your life getting the courage to come out and then be told you “Don’t Exist”. Essentially that you in your fullness is equal to that of the Easter Bunny or Big Foot.
So I am vexed. The little girl inside of me is still looking for role models to validate my right to exist. She yearns for one day there to be a Non Monogamous Barbie, along with her Partners Jo and Sandy; optional of course. The slightly less naive adult in me knows that this likely isn’t going to happen in my lifetime. That same Adult understands that I and my peers are meant to be the Role Models of whom we were never granted. That if all goes accordingly we would become mentors and one day elders in the realm of New Paradigm relating. Instead of perpetuating the cycle of poverty, we instead can become that which we so desperately needed. Knowing this illuminates the harrowing yet inviting road ahead.
My desire in the willingness to share my life so transparently is to encourage the expression of personal truth, and thus the excavation of cultural myth. I want to to lead by example; not the front lines of Non-Monogamy — but a world postpoly/postmono. A world where Humans are emboldened to practice Love in the model that is truest for them in their current iteration.
I desire a time where whether we share a partnership with one, two, many or none, that we are encouraged to be in connections that are in service to something outside of just the relationship. Maybe then we could abolish the deep underbelly of escapism via interpersonal connection.
I crave a collective where your worth as an individual is not put in to question on account of being different — but in fact a culture where diversity fuels it’s thriving advance.
I long for a world where passionate, creative, emotional, intellectual connection isn’t shamed or subject to a warped sense of guilt laden secrecy. This is a world where dated narratives are allowed to die and passion is encouraged to flow naturally as it unfolds.
Vexation aside, I am proud of our world’s trajectory. I am privileged to live in a time and place where being a Woman and holding a so called “against the grain” sexuality/lifestyle doesn’t leave me ostracized; or much worse. I am proud of my chosen family for being so courageous in their unabashed authenticity. And finally I am excited. I am so damn excited to see what will emerge from the accepting sustainable culture that is slowly breaching into existence. I have faith in the unknown, but only because of the beauty I see reflected in the eyes of my peers.
This something or other is happening, and in the midst of these end times our future is being born again. It’s slow rise and fall tending to our restructuring. So here I happen to stand, smack dab in the middle of it all. And I -being the revolutionary brat that I am — would not want to be anywhere else but here.
Perhaps we are radical dreamers. But if I have learned anything in my short years I have learned that we are not alone on this untrodden path into fearless amorousness. I dare you to be truthful, authentic and responsible in your Love; with each and every individual that you hold with sweet regard. I dare you to fully exist in service to the morphogenic field of adoration of which surrounds you.
I dare you to imagine a world where our actions are collectively in service to the fullness love and life. In fact, I mother fucking Double Dare you. You may see that it’s not such a crazy dream after all.
* What is Solo Poly: https://solopoly.net/2014/12/05/what-is-solo-polyamory-my-take/
**The Myth of the one AKA “the Disney wound” : The implication that your partner must be your everything. This also implies that you are not whole, good enough or “complete” without partnership with another. The phrase your “other half” is the romanticized version of this we often hear.