I think it is safe to say that everyone has experienced bullying in some fashion. I talk to kids I grew up with that I considered to be “very popular” and generally well-liked and all of them admit to a time where they were made to feel insecure, small or inadequate in some social situation one time or another.
I was recently going out with a bunch of friends from high school. We were on the subway in Boston — colloquially referred to as “the T”. We were heading out to one of the clubs downtown and, of course, we were having a great time. Everyone was in a good mood. Some of us may have even had a few too many drinks and were in way too good of moods… But I remember one specific event on that subway ride…
One of my best friends and I were sitting next to each other on this subway ride and chatting. This buddy of mine is tall, jacked, has a gorgeous girlfriend, a great job. He was on the football team in high school, he owns his own home. He is not someone I would consider to be unpopular or unsuccessful.
As we were chatting, his entire demeanor started to change as he looked past me. He had apparently caught a glimpse of a former bully.
“You have no idea what that kid put me through. He made middle school Hell for me.”
I turned around to see who this horrid creature was. I was expecting some intimidating, hulking individual.
…It turned out I knew the kid…and I knew he was, in fact, very unpopular and insecure, himself.
This experience allowed me the opportunity to really reflect on bullying, and reaffirm a lot of the things I had heard my parents tell me any time I was getting picked on in school, myself.
For all of those getting bullied out there, here are 4 things that I want you to know:
1. Bullies Are Not Happy People
Bullies are not happy. This is a highly unintuitive thought when you are getting picked on. It is normal to think that this bully has social clout, a good life, that they are picking on you because there is something wrong with you. The truth, honestly, is that it is the other way around. Not that I have studied any psychology, but in my experience and adulthood reflection I have realized that it is the bully that believes there is something wrong with themself.
Remember that bullies are picking on you because they are deflecting their own issues onto others so they can feel better about themselves or at least distract themselves from whatever own personal Hell they are going through.
There was a bully in my elementary school. He picked on everyone. He was older than me and my friends and we were not spared his bullying wrath. Obviously, I resented this kid — even hated him — for making our lives difficult until one day he showed off his bruises in show and tell. Those bruises were the physical remnants of an alcohol-fueled temper tantrum from his abusive father.
2. The Things You Are Self Conscious About Now Will Not Matter Later
It’s funny, but as you get older you really do start to care less about what people think of you — especially the people you tried to impress in school.
Many of the things that matter to you now will drastically change. I promise.
3. You Are Not Alone
One of the worst parts about being bullied is you feel completely vulnerable, isolated and alone. You feel like there is something wrong with you and that everyone else is normal, feels normal, and going about their day “normally”.
It’s completely normal to feel like you are the only one getting picked on, but it’s statistically untrue. 1 in 3 students report that they are being bullied in school.
You are not alone. Everyone feels insecure at your age. You are not the only one being bullied and, in fact, your bullies have bullies (see point number 1).
4. Bullies End Up On the Losing End
Understand that bullies usually end up on the losing end.
My father owns a successful real estate business. Whenever I came home feeling down because a bully was giving me a hard time at school, he would tell me a story. He said:
I used to have this horrible bully in school. He was such a jerk and was always trying to mess with me. He made school terrible for me. Well, some years after high school when I owned my first building, guess who wanted to become a tenant? That kid. Humorously enough, that kid (now an adult) who wanted to rent an apartment from me stopped me in the street and said, ‘Hey! I just applied for a place in your building! I really need a place. Remember all the good times we had in school? We were such good friends.’
…He didn’t get the apartment.
Don’t just take my father as an example, look at these celebrities who claimed to have been bullied throughout school. The list includes Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lawrence, Justin Timberlake… I wonder what their former bullies are up to these days.
So, just remember, things get better. You are not alone. Your bullies have bullies. Keep your head up.
