The shower runs. I’ve got bread, milk, and cereal in the kitchen.

It was a deal: $4 for 8 boxes and a free gallon of milk.

All of the best brands were included in the offer.

Cookie Crisp, Reese’s Puffs, Golden Grahams, and Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries

They’re all in my open air pantry

And the milk is 2%

The door to the whole milk and the vitamin d wasn’t closing correctly

It was hard passing it over

It was unnatural


[8:51:46 AM]:

I left my thermos in the car last night, but I had three dollars cash in the back pocket of one of my old pairs of slacks.


[9:07:33 AM]:

Traffic is terrible in this city


[9:25:38 AM]:

The lights are red at every arrival

The boss is in when I get in

Ol big boy

He wants to go out for coffee

It’s been just over my thirty days


[11:13:18 AM]:

We talk about how much I’ve got to get this mouth of mine under control

But that I’m doing well in general

The place has never been tidier

Fancy that

Might not expect it coming from me

But I do have a history with ocd

Working to turn it into a power rather than a curse


[2:38:51 PM]:

Just doing my part

My boxers drenched in sweat from unloading the back of ol big boys truck

At home eating cookies for an approximate hour

It’s my lunch break

I got the car from Musette’s work

Just up a couple and a half blocks

Blaring something like ninety three degrees out there

At home in the desert

The dog on my lap

My thirty days out of the way

The weed all gone

Smoking tar

Lookin real desperate


But you’ve got to smoke em when you’ve got em is what I say, and this tar is all I’ve got left

It’s a way of weening

Ween when you’ve got to and you can

That’s what I always say

I came home to shit, and now I’ve got an itchy ass


[4:33:26 PM]:

Chugging through the work day on my new heavy duty schmig


[7:01:12 PM]:

walking into the apartment to a picture of one of Musette’s old coworkers. she’s bigger than I prefer, and her nose is a little pig snouty, but it would be enough to shoot my jizz in coronation of my homecoming if I’d only exert myself.

but I haven’t even smoked any weed yet.

I’m just sitting here talking to you like it’s the most important thing in my life at the moment

and it’s like all that I’ve eaten today is a few cookies and a granola bar

I could have eaten more thanks to all of the snacks my work provides

beer even

if they had weed there, I would be so excited to go to work

I’d wake up even without my alarm going off

I’d show up early instead of late

but this isn’t even portland we’re talking about

it’s not new york which has the hope of a progressive attmosphere

this is salt lake city, the home of the saints

zion on high

clean and clear as crystal

they do not want to smell that sin floating in through their windows

they don’t want it around their children

children are too young to know anything

not all parents are responsible

there are dumb kids who have gotten a hold of it

they’ve got their caps on backwards. They are wearing a band t-shirt. they have pimples and their eyes are droopy. They are giggling like an idiot. Their tongue is hanging out. They are smoking more and more everyday because it has become a challenge to them, who can get higher

and I just want to smack the shit out of those fucking fucks

bongin up my boy

it’s everywhere

there are small communities of republicans, but you can’t escape the clouds of smoke in the city

livin in sin, I tell ya

that’s why I’m pullin out

there’s a time limit on the window, and I know that if I don’t jump through, i’ll regret it later

even with my numb nut. I’ve got to try

stranger things have happened

could have twins, because, apparently, according to Musette’s mom, it’s genetic on her side

I’m just so scared of having a retarded baby

it’s all that my nut might be able to produce

I’m sorry sweetheart. It’s the damn lord

all because I don’t want to play golf

though it can certainly be said that mormons, clean as far as I can see, but obviously not, are having retarded babies themselves as well

I mean none of us are clean

we’re standing on a dirty world

only the angels can avoid it, and they don’t have bodies

I am made of the dirt and filth of my mother

created in an act of stinky, sweaty, painful lust, blood shooting out onto the sheets, cleaning up the mess with same stuff I wipe my ass with

that white bright light of my savlation, night after night duddly pumped into the roll

laid atop my shits like little funeral quilts

traveling itself the underworld flume, styled and blessed by the stuff of its lord


[9:23:23 PM]:

A big flake of the stuff, like black gold, falling from the wall into the path of my flame

eating flakes like dragon glass

coating the windows

filling my thoughts

it’s there between my teeth, relaxing into all the chocolate chip and cookie crumble

Golden Grahams, Cookie Crisp, a free gallon’s worth of milk

it can hold a lot of cereal, but I don’t think it’s going to be enough to get through all four boxes

and then I’m going to want to buy another four

because I rush through things when I know that I’ve got a lot of them

leaves me here now, in the situation I’ve got myself into with my piece, pinching the pennies so clean the glass looks either good as new or shattered


[9:57:48 PM]:

I can feel those names being etched into my mind

black glass continuing the list

spy kids review, the dark fucking wizard society, group dms, the backrooms of today’s bookstores

I am in my own, sustained in my own way, armed and equipped, collecting all the pieces, making the necessary moves, following the angels on high and the singing that they’re shaking into our guts


[11:21:05 PM]:

I’m masturbating to Kristen bell while she’s being murdered on the other screen

My wife is in the shower



[11:42:29 PM]:

She wants a case for her new phone because she thinks she’s going to break it


[11:58:36 PM]:

And it’s only getting harder to get the tar off

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