Empathy, while simple enough to define, is a powerful skill that is difficult to master.

Empathy means the ability to understand another’s point of view, and therefore understand their attitudes, reactions and behaviors.

Any person can benefit greatly from this skill. It’s an easy skill to have, especially if you are surrounded by people who, to a large degree, have similar beliefs, ideas and backgrounds to your own.

One might even go so far as to say that friendship is really based on two people’s ability to empathize with each other.

Empathizing with rational individuals on a daily basis is one thing. How about those people who really try one’s patience? How about the extremely arrogant and the ***holes? What about people who tend to blow-up on petty conflicts of interest?

Being able to empathize with such would mean being able to tolerate their remarks, not feel affected by their presence and open the door to successful working relations. It would help you keep your cool in difficult social or work situations and prevent escalations of conflicts.

Empathy with whom it is difficult to see eye to eye takes the serious strain off of “putting your best face forward” or “trying to be nice”.

And what greater social skill could you have than being able to empathize with those who don’t empathize with anyone?

0. No one WANTS to be an ***hole.

***hole is a term people use to describe others. No one truly thinks of themselves as an ***hole. Sure, they may claim to take pride in being an ***hole — but chances are this is only because they’ve been called an ***hole so many times.

The first step of empathizing with an ***hole is to realize that they don’t think they are truly, at heart, an ***hole. They have their conduct completely justified, if only for themselves.

1. Put on more than just the shoes.

The best piece of advice given in terms of empathy is “walk a mile in their shoes”. The idea is that if you were in their situation you might act or feel the same way.

This is great advice if you are trying to see the viewpoint of another person that you more or less already get along with. You probably have enough in common with that person that if you (as yourself) were in their situation, you would factually react in a similar manner.

But I have no doubt that if you were to walk a mile in an ***hole’s shoes, you still wouldn’t be such an ***hole!

For the people who are really just outside your ability to comprehend, try instead mustering up a willingness to be that individual. Put on the whole damn outfit!

That’s not to say you have to act or think like them, but certainly the willingness to act or think like them should be present. Without it you would never be able to understand their ideas, behaviors or their feelings.

2. Realize it’s not you — it’s them.

When faced with an ***hole, you are faced with someone who struggles with constant self-doubt and self-criticism.

People treat others the way they treat themselves.

Factoring in the pressures of society — in its conduct and manners — chances are the crap we’re getting from an ***hole is nothing compared to what he’s dealing out to himself.

Most of us have the luxury of self-inspection. ***holes don’t feel this is a luxury.

While any of us may at any given time be displeased with ourselves, an ***hole is plagued by an unstoppable stream of consciousness of self-loathing.

And since you find it difficult to spend five minutes with them, you can certainly empathize with the poor bloke who has to spend an entire lifetime with his ***hole self.

3. The ***hole is actually trying to protect you.

The ***hole doesn’t want to be an ***hole to you. This is, of course, why they are being ***holes.

What better way to prevent you from having to deal with them than to drive you away by being an ***hole?

Immediately you can see through that rock hard ***hole exterior.

Inside, there is a compassionate person who is trying to keep you distanced from the stream of consciousness that berates them daily.

4. What’s their problem?

We instinctively know that an ***hole “has a problem”.

What you may not consider is that the problem is not with you, or the current situation. Their behavior is the solution they have to the problem of life itself.

You do not need to know the specific problem(s) encountered in the lifetime of an ***hole.

Just take a brief moment to consider what the magnitude of the initial problem must’ve been that their total solution for life became to default to being an ***hole.

Hopefully with these five pointers, a little practice, and some observation of your own, you will be able to more successfully deal with the most trying individuals you may encounter in your professional and social life.

In doing so I’m pretty confident you’ll come to the same conclusion I eventually came to:

There really aren’t nearly as many ***holes in the world as you think.