I just texted with my cousin, Lani. She’s so very dear. Today is her birthday. She hired me to do a newborn outfit for her granddaughter, Journey. I wasn’t in “good shape” then. It got finished late and Lani just texted me that it was disappointing because it didn’t fit her and when she wore the onesie, the black ink ran. I felt so bad and (on a text (on her birthday, no less), here I was trying to explain that I’ve suffered with #PTSD for many years…never mind that it was #Incest (oh, wait…can’t say that “I” word). Anyway, I felt bad…I feel bad. I want to give her something. Another something for her granddaughter…or a painting. It’s too bad that I still feel so bad about that, like I could have done something different. It’s too bad that I still feel bad about any of it…that I told my (other) cousin that my brother raped me…that he went and tried to do that with a number of other cousins (including my two sisters (which he just told me a few days ago). There’s more, but I’m tired. Gracie, my #studiocat is still healing with her eye and needing fluids and all. People have no idea how something like #incest #abuse and #mentalillness and especially #secrets and #lies can ripple through the fabric of #love. #families #healthy lives #growth and #selfawareness

This song comes to mind so often, lately…I find myself singing it before I realize…


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