Old Gramophone
Looking back i always knew i am a mess. That i am nothing, a filth wearing human skin. Leeching everyone just to make ends meet.
How do i know? Because everyone told me so.
Maybe that’s why i don’t feel anything. When y’all shouting at me of sin. I shrugged it off. When y’all screaming at me of murder, i shrugged it off too don’t i? As annoying as y’all screams are, i can’t really do anything since its true. Well, kinda true.
Why should i be mad if its true?
But that doesn’t mean I’m no less hurt for it. After all i am human too. A person, with real feelings, real mind, with real soul whatever those hippies says nowadays. I hurt too. Y’all just don’t know it.
The hurt keeps piling up and up and up, and one day its as big as a freakin’ mountain. I’d say mount Rushmore can’t even beat ‘em. Mine’s more larger than the good ‘ol Washington.
At this point, I’m like, you know, was looking for some, you know, some help. Can’t even live, with this hurt so much. I can even feel it in my body, physically.
Can’t live with it. I can’t live like this, you know. I maybe bad, but i still know to do honest work. My mom, bless her, always said to me “All the things in the world won’t worth shit if you don’t do honest work. It ain’t have to be good, but its have to be honest”.
Then she proceed to hit me, usually. Maybe that’s why i remember that. It was decades ago, but that ain’t mean nothing. It’s the way she show love you know. You love someone, you hit ‘em. It make ‘em tough, it make me tough. Just look at i am now, i work
I work in construction, as a construction worker. You need to be tough to do that. Building things, fixing things. It takes skills, it takes strength. I maybe not the smartest bunch in town but this i can do.
I love my job, I’m very good at it in fact. My foreman, Old Billy, once said “you’re goddamn handy to have around son. Now help Jenkins with the roof then fix my goddamn gramophone. Its making all this bad sounds that i don’t like”.
Can you believe it? Someone said I’m useful. See? I can be useful. That’s what my momma said. I can be useful.
It was the happiest week of my life. Only for some fuckers to ruin it the very next week. I mean, i just want a break man. Ain’t i deserve a break? I mean finally, finally someone recognize me; and these fuckers ruin ‘em all.
Poor Old Billy. May he rest in peace
But its okay. It’s okay. Momma said just take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and boom clear as a sunny day. Pain pain goes away. You’ll be fine, as fine as day.
See, when people look at me they always say bad things. I’m used to it but it also make me curious. Why are they like this? Why would they only day bad things to me?
So one day i had an epiphany (i read it in a dictionary!). That maybe it’s not their own faut. That maybe they are just broken, just like the old gramophone. Yeah maybe that’s why they always say bad things to me. Of course! I’m so smart, just like momma said. So poor people, they are just broken.
Hey maybe i can fix them. I’m good at fixing things right? Old Billy said i am. Maybe just like the old gramophone, they just need a new screw to tighten something loose inside the machine and voila. Good as new. Fixed.
So my plan here is to fixed every of ‘em, you know. My pa always said that crazy people have something broken in their head, maybe that’s it. That’s where the broken things are!
It must be sad for them to always be saying bad things. They must be crying on the inside whenever they say it. So if i fix them, they’ll be happy again! Bye bye bad things! Genius!
So that’s why, I’m gonna start with you. You were always saying bad bad things to me. But im not mad at you, not anymore. I know you’re just broken, so don’t worry. I am gonna fix you! You’ll be happy and we’re gonna be friends forever! You’ll see!
Now let’s see, how do i open your head up?
