My Latest Trip Around The Sun
On the morning of August 24, 2016, I had loaded down my Pontiac G6 with my belongings, most of which have no real value to establishing a home or place of living, but nonetheless I was determined to close this chapter of my life and begin another as soon as possible. I headed back to the place that had felt like home from the second I crossed the state line back in 2012, Knoxville, Tennessee. Never mind the fact that I had no job ready and waiting there for me, no place of my own and no family members to take me in. My how things change!
Roughly a minute and a half into the trip, I thought I had made a mistake leaving Florida. Something in my tire didn’t want to leave and detached itself from my vehicle, rendering my car immobilized. After a quick panic attack, some less than calm prayers spoken, (I’m sure I looked COMPLETELY sane to all the people passing me on the road while I angrily pounded the steering wheel in protest of the latest bump in the road,) and a three hour wait at the body shop, I was finally on the road again.
There was a couple that took me in and made me feel at home from the moment I stepped into theirs, a place they graciously allowed me to live for five months. They have generously poured into my life in ways that I could never have anticipated, and they continue to be a compass when I need some direction, a source of hard love when I need to be told how it is or needs to be, and a door that’s always open if I need to chat. So many incredible memories and moments over the past 365 days have been made with y’all, and it has been an incredible time. To Spenser and Sarah Proctor, thank you. You both have become like family to me, and I’m so appreciative of that. I could never thank you enough or repay you for everything you’ve done for me, both tangible and things that you’ve helped me learn and understand that will make me a better person in the future.
2015–16 was a strange year for me, to say the least. This past year has been none the more normal, but normal is overrated anyways! I was, and in some ways still am, recovering from a broken engagement. I felt unworthy of the calling to serve people, but that turned into a better realization about serving others than the one I had before. I struggled with self-worth and just general direction in life. I am a procrastination king, lacking motivation at times and reclusive from those who love me most. But you know what? Each of these areas of my life are areas that my God can shine through in ways so unexpected that it defies conventional wisdom.
“You’ve been searching for your identity. Someone to give you hope and something you could believe. Search no longer, he’s been waiting for you… you're not forsaken, you belong to Me” From Travis Greene’s Daddy’s Home.
Everything that I have been searching for, the things that I have been trying to gain in this life can all be found in Him. The children of Israel wanted a king because everyone around them had kings. What they didn’t realize was they had the King of kings already. Searching for acceptance from other broken human beings will never be enough, because I’ve already gained acceptance from my father in heaven. People, no matter how good they are, are at some level flawed and will let you down in one way or another. But He never will.
I have learned so much about myself, about life and about my God in this past year, things that I do not know how I did without for so long. Things that have made me laugh and cry with joy because they could only have been bestowed to me by a supernatural being with far greater power than I could ever imagine. I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay, that none of us are finished products yet. But I’ve also learned how to better be content in what I am, because I know my future holds so many great blessings and experiences. I’m slowly learning to develop better relationships and friendships with more intent and vulnerability. So many small things have been going on in my life, and I think they always have, it’s just I’m finally slowing down and realizing them that now I can really appreciate this life I’ve been given.
Anyways, if you made it this far I thank you for being interested in my random ramblings about my wonderfully simple and silly life. I’m not who I was, and I’m not who I will be, and I’ll always be chasing the future me that God has in the palm of His hand!
-T.A.
