“I guess it’s pretty unfair to judge you based on what I was willing to compromise in the emotional landscape.”
Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a breakdown session at my university. One of my faves, Protoje (Soundcloud & IG: Protoje) alongside Dutty Bookman (IG: DuttyBookman) analysed the lyricism of some select songs from the former’s latest album, Ancient Future, as well as the lyrics from a few of his previous albums (Seven Year Itch & Eight Year Affair). My appreciation of his art grew immensely as a result. It’s one thing to listen to an album and to formulate your own interpretation of what the artiste COULD have meant, but to hear the thought-process, to discover events which inspired the lyricism of an album you appreciate is a completely different thing.
A lot of things resonated with me from this session, from the various back-stories from his life he presented, but one lesson I’d like to speak about is the act of doing something without expecting anything in return. This is something I think about a lot (because my myriad of thoughts need more company).
I always thought that anything you do should be because you simply want to do it, and not because of ‘karma’, or because you expect something in return. We shouldn’t do something for someone, only to turn around and make them feel guilty for accepting the offer, because there was no reciprocation. A simple thank you should be enough, and reciprocation should only be thought of as a bit of icing on the cake . You did what you did because you wanted to do it. That should be enough.
In a relationship, one may be in a better position than the other, and as such, may have a bit more to offer. In the event that help is offered, it shouldn’t be accompanied by guilt-trips. In that case, it would be best you kept to yourself. This goes for tangible and intangible offers/support. If you see that someone you supposedly care about may be in need of some help, and you choose to offer your help, it is unfair to berate the person, because chances are, they already feel pretty shitty about the situation they are in. Either support in silence or leave them alone altogether.
It’s not always easy to support someone, especially when you are in need of support yourself. We tend to forget that we all have our own sources of stress so to think that it is excusable for you to act in a certain manner and blame it on your life’s struggles is wholly unfair and frankly, makes you a rather shitty person.
Referencing a previous post of mine, the regret hasn’t dissipated, however, I can say that from this vantage point, knowing what I know now, I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it all again.
It was my choice.