A Note To Those WITHOUT Anxiety or Depression
We should probably start off with a Webster definition. That might help us stay on track.
anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
de·pres·sion
dəˈpreSH(ə)n/
noun
a state in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way.
Okay, so ….
Dear person without anxiety or depression,
Stop telling me I’m “too pretty to be depressed.” That is just stupid.
Please respect that being in a room full of people just might not be a good idea for me today. Don’t be offended by my awkwardness or silence, I just hate small talk; sometimes conversation with strangers in general. Try to understand that anxiety and depression manifest themselves mentally, physically and emotionally — including but not limited to effecting:
- how I process information
- how I react to certain situations
- how I cope with stress
- how I maintain friendships and romantic / sexual relationships
- how I handle anger and other negative emotions
- how organized I am
- how aware I am of my surroundings
- how I make decisions / why I make them
- etcetera …
Please don’t minimize my emotional struggles to “self-hate.” Trust me, I love myself dearly and it has taken literal blood, sweat and tears to get to where I am emotionally. I will not allow you to disregard my progress just because it isn’t readily visible to you.
If you know anyone with anxiety and/or depression, try a little harder this year to be understanding, empathic even. That’s all I ask.
Best,
Ashlee
Why Am I Writing This?
In 2013, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Honestly, it was a relief to finally know what was going on with me. But a diagnosis didn’t fix anything. I didn’t even know what the diagnosis meant. Black families don’t typically talk about stuff like this. Mine for damn sure didn’t. I had taken a few psychology classes in college but I guess I didn’t take it seriously because we were talking about mental illnesses. I could not have a mental illness. Right? I had to do some research. I understood how the DSM classified it but how does it make you feel? I needed something easier to understand. Something I could compare myself to.
I did what any other technology-addicted person would do. I Googled “anxiety symptoms.”
Google has never failed me. Everything made a little more sense for the moment. For so long I felt CRAZY. Like legit crazy. Well, I still felt crazy even with a diagnosis but now I had a reason, a source of the issue. That was empowering in itself. It’s hard to deal with something you can’t see or make sense of. Now, I, at least, had a name for it. I thought everything got easier from there.
Nah. I still suffer from anxiety attacks, social anxiety and bouts of depression. It comes in waves. When I’m good, I’m good. When I’m not good ….. Sometimes life can feel like a roller coaster. *sings Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivian Green* Or like I’m in a dark tunnel, feeling myself through the darkness … feeling … feeling … still trying to find the end. And then, I see a light! I sigh in relief and take my time ‘cause now I know I can see the end. I’m good … Then the light disappears and I have to start all over again. Okay, that was dramatic but you get my point. Or maybe you’ll relate more to a St. Louis weather analogy. Bright, beautiful and summer-like Tuesday. Cold, dark and miserable by Friday. My point is — the unpredictability keeps you unprepared. Even though you know how random it is, each time you say “Ugh! This bipolar ass St. Louis weather! It was just nice out yesterday.”
To make matters worse, anxiety and depression are those “just get over it” kind of topics. Even though your friends and family try to be supportive, they never really get it. Trying to hide it or avoid it takes 100% of your energy. Having to come up with new excuses of why you don’t want to go out or why you look like you just got done crying gets annoying. And even though I know “it will all be okay” telling me “it will all be okay” doesn’t make it all magically go away right then and there. I don’t want sympathy or pity. I’m coping. I’m just trying to spread a little knowledge or maybe even encourage someone to stop ignoring their symptoms.
For those who already get what I’m saying … find out what works for you! Everyone doesn’t deal the same way. Find that one friend who will listen, give you a hug or just hold the phone while you cry — whether they get it or not. Try therapy! Black people try to act like that’s something we don’t do. Ignore them. Try meds if that’s something you’re comfortable with. The importance of finding YOUR self-care methods cannot be stressed enough! Take care of yourself. Make your mental health a priority. Be patient with yourself. Move at your own pace. Own that shit!
Need a little tough love?→ https://medium.com/@KVThompson/get-that-shit-db0131b57ee6#.9k0o73oyu
