The Milk is Free, But Will He Want The Cow?
So, let’s say you meet someone on an online dating site…Not just meet, as in scroll across their profile for a few minutes, but in real life. Right there in front of you, with dark wavy hair and an adorable smile. You can smell the minty scent from the gum he’s chewing and all the smooth cologne he drenched himself in before picking you up. You're both together so you can go on this thing called “a date”, so you hop in this stranger’s car and he takes you to places that are only fun when you're not alone. Things are a bit awkward at first, but you can clearly see past all that cheesy giggling and nervous chatter. He really seems like a nice guy. Deep inside your mind, you're hoping that this time you're spending with him lasts, because it’s somebody brand new and fresh. It gives you a bit of hope. After a while, it begins to get dark. He’s mentioning dropping you back off soon and it feels like it ended too quickly. So there you are, on the highway back to your normal, boring existence, and you're too afraid to tell him that you want to go do something else. Once you get home, he walks you to the door and he tries to kiss you. You're not one for kissing, so you turn away, but twenty minutes later you end up having sex with him…
What is so taboo about knockin’ boots on the first date? You've always heard from grandma and mom: “Why would he buy the entire cow when he can get the milk for free?” You know you'd be totally embarrassed of telling your friends that you “gave it up” that soon. And then the next day, you question whether or not it was the right move. You wait all day by the phone hoping he will call you saying that he wants to see you again, but morning turns into noon and noon turns into evening. This isn't good. You feel like a bit of you is missing now because you let him hear your boar-like moans and see your “sex-face”. This is all wrong.
Honestly, I can't speak for men who don’t call after the first date (especially when it involves sex), but what I can say to all of those ladies out there who are unsure whether or not to make to make this type of move is: It is true, men are hunters, but at the same time, men are simple. If you didn't give him a good vibe, he’s more than likely going to be reluctant about calling you the next day. If he’s a good guy, then sex wouldn't normally affect the possibility of another date happening. It all comes down to whether or not he likes the first impression he has of you. If he likes you, he will more than likely call or text you the next day. If he doesn't, then he will probably do the opposite. If sex is in the question, it just gives him a sample of another part of you. If you had some good chemistry with him on the first date, and then you wind up having some great sex with him, it only reveals to him that he has an amazing girl on his hands. Now don't hold me to this logic, because there is the obvious exception of jerks. There are those few jerks that are looking simply for sex, so if you give them what they want and they still don’t call, you just saved yourself a lot of heartbreak and time. At least it didn't go further than one date, so now that’s one less jerk you have to deal with. So in a sense, sex on the first date can weed out the guy that who’s the best thing you never had.
There are people out there who will still go by the “3-date-rule” or the “90-day-rule”, holding off on sex as if it were a bonus or a cash prize. Sex isn't something that is solely enjoyed by the male, so why do we treat it like a parasitic relationship? It’s like saying: “If you wait all this time, I'll cut off my hand and give it to you.” Sex feels good for both parties, so why wait when there’s attraction and both parties are enjoying it? If a guy thinks you are less of a woman because you chose to do it sooner than later, then he’s got sex all mixed up. There could be a horrible girl who’s making a guy wait. On the other hand, there could be an awesome girl with a little spontaneity who doesn’t. Sex on the first date shouldn’t classify you in some category of “undateable” people.
As far as that date I was mentioning, we had sex on the first date, and we're on date three now, (but I still made him wait for that first kiss). I told him that I was concerned that he wouldn’t think of me as “girlfriend material” if we did it, and he was shocked that I would think that. He told me that he likes me and definitely wants to see me again. Afterwards we watched some Key and Peele videos and then we went to Waffle House to eat. He doesn't think any less of me because we did it; we're just two human beings engaging in something that we like doing. What’s wrong with that? If we end up in a relationship and it ends in a day, I won't blame it on those first-date rendezvous. There’s no saying what will happen, but I just want some girl who’s considering it to know that it’s okay. We’re human. We have sex. Life still goes on. And as for him calling me the next day, I waited until noon, then I texted him, then he texted me back. Sometimes, we as women should make the first move instead of acting like texting is a one-way street. I know that some old-fashioned person is going to hate me for saying all of this, but I have a right to my opinion.