The Collapse of an Old Man: Living Together but Worlds Apart
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Maurice once said, “A marriage without conflict is almost as unimaginable as a country without crisis.”
In real life, what does marriage mean to you? I’m sure different people have different answers to this question.
Not long ago, a reader named Mr. Zhang sent me a letter, and here’s what he wrote:
My wife and I have been married for 20 years. When we first got married, our emotional life was great, but over time, our direct emotional connection has become increasingly distant.
We’ve experienced many ups and downs over the years, but now we’re living like enemies. We have two sons, and my wife tends to favor our younger son. I think we should treat them equally, but she thinks our younger son needs more protection.
This has caused a lot of discord between us, and we’ve even started sleeping in separate rooms. At first, I just let her have her way, but I feel that our lifestyle is not what I want, and it’s not the attitude that spouses should have towards each other.
I just want to know how to solve this problem and make our relationship more harmonious. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.
Moreover, I think it’s not wrong to treat our sons equally, but it shouldn’t be an excuse for our cold war.
After hearing their story, perhaps many people will have a sense of resonance.
In real life, people who have experienced similar problems are not in the minority. Each parent should treat their children equally.
So, how should we handle such problems? These are not trivial matters.
Learn to Communicate
Kavilin once said, “Heart-to-heart conversation is the display of the soul.”
Couples will inevitably have conflicts, which is a normal thing. However, when conflicts arise, we shouldn’t choose to avoid them, but rather face them calmly and communicate with each other. Only by doing so can we resolve our conflicts. If we don’t know how to communicate, we’ll only end up blaming each other in the end.
In married life, communication is an essential part. Communication is an art. Only when you learn to communicate can you reduce conflicts in your family. When you encounter disagreements, different solutions will lead to different results. Those who know how to communicate can find more happiness in married life.
If people don’t know how to communicate, they’ll have many unspoken grievances. When these grievances accumulate, the war between you will erupt. You need to stand in your partner’s shoes to think about the problem and understand each other better.
Cold War Won’t Solve the Problem
Every couple has different ways of dealing with problems and conflicts in life.
Cold war might be a common method used by many couples. Some people might think that time can solve all problems, and when conflicts arise, they just need to cold war for a while, and the conflicts will resolve themselves. But in reality, this approach is the most foolish.
This method won’t resolve the conflicts between you, but will only increase the distance between you. If the problem is not solved, the conflict will not be resolved, and misunderstandings will only deepen.
So, don’t think that time can solve everything. Learn to solve problems, and don’t let disappointment accumulate, which will eventually hurt your feelings.
Therefore, learning to handle conflicts correctly is a kind of life wisdom.
Children Are Innocent
Many couples will use their children as a shield when conflicts arise, but in reality, children are the most innocent. The conflicts between couples should not be borne by children, and parents’ words and actions will affect their children’s lives and growth.
As the saying goes, “A lucky child will be cured by their childhood, while an unlucky child will be haunted by their childhood.” This saying is not wrong.
Parents have a profound influence on their children. A happy family will bring joy to children.
Leonidova once said, “The foundation of marriage is love, dependence, and respect.”
Conflicts and quarrels between couples are a very normal thing, but resolving conflicts requires the wisdom of both partners. Everyone will have their own grievances and difficulties in life, and at this time, mutual understanding between couples is especially important.
Two people living together should learn to create a warm family atmosphere. Only then will their feelings for each other deepen. Love is a two-way process. If you don’t know how to communicate, it will eventually become a mess.
