Thank you, Augusta.
Alex Hixton
11

Birds don’t blush, they say. Oscar Wilde claims that like animals, they have no reason to.

The Town of Shame

Dear 🌽 Muffin

Thank you for sharing your listicle pedrigee with me.

I absolutely agree that “listicle” has a wonderful ring to it. From the moment the 👅 flicks down from the hard palate it just rolls deliciously around one’s mouth before the deliciously sharp K-I-L-L at the end.

However I beg to differ on your geographical claims as regards a country called Listicle.

Geography is not my strong suit but to the best of my knowledge no country of that name exists. I do not intend to dwell on your mendacity, rather berate your inability to make it figure. You need to up your game a little to be a better liar.

If your claim had only been a little more modest and you had restricted yourself to a village called Listikill perhaps in the highlands of Scotland or rural Ireland 🇮🇪 (Kealkil, Kilkenny) your credibility would not be as mortally strained as it is.

Secondly, you don’t have to be grim to be from Grimsby or ashamed to be from Skamstrup. Skam means shame in Scandinavian. (Check out the Norwegian hit series of the same name). My ☝️ point is this: there is not necessarily a link between geography and character or abilities, despite those sad 😭 Maupassant stories that I was forced to read as a schoolgirl.

Here are some photos of Skamstrup which I visited between Christmas and New Year:

Mølle means windmill in Danish.

Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of here.

Thirdly, (and I must insist, this is NOT a listicle) this could be the perfect opportunity to start your own country. Why start your own company when you can start your own country? Join the Basques, the Serbs, the Bretons, the Scots, the Kurds and begin the process. A simple beginning is to plant the seed in people’s minds and, at a later date, back up this abstract concept with embassies and governments and the like.

They’re saying now that Zuckerburg has his own country in Facebook. He doesn’t even have an embassy… or does he?

HEY, we can start here on Medium but on one condition:

I must be appointed minister of foreign affairs.

It’s too stressful and boring to be the top 🐶 (Obama admits it) so I’ll leave that to you.

Lots of travel, state dinners, foreign climes and doing what I love, interfering in other people’s affairs.

This reminds me of a scene at the canteen at work when I asked a question and a colleague told me to mind my own business.

Why, oh why, hadn’t I prepared this brilliant riposte;

“Why should I? Everybody else’s business is much more interesting”.

We could organize 🚀 a coup d’état and take over an existing country instead; a small one, like 🇩🇰 Denmark before going for the other country that’s ripe for a takeover. You know which country I’m talking about, don’t you?

As that Marx fella said:

“The truth is the funniest thing of all.”