I Like Bad Boys and I Cannot Lie

As I become older and achieve more, I’m increasingly pressured by those around me to leave “bad boys” alone. While I’ve always been open to explore all options, I still have a soft spot for bad boys; they’re witty, exciting, and can relate to me in ways other men can’t. Now let’s define these so-called “bad boys”. Through some research of my own (and by research I mean, group texting my friends), here’s what we came up with…

Bad boys can be defined as rebellious men who refuse to have conventional jobs. They tend to be disrespectful, sometimes blatantly, but most of the time they don’t even know they’re doing it. They’re too busy “paper-chasing”, and to put it politely, their jobs aren’t the type to produce a W-2 Form at the end of the year *SIDE EYE*. They are as inconsistent as their lifestyles, and I believe their resistance to authority contributes to their unlikelihood to answer to ONE woman. Their need to live life on the whim further complicates such commitments. Fast money equals fast lifestyles, so these hustler-preneurs are constantly on the move. Unfortunately, this lifestyle often leads to criminal records, making it difficult to escape a world that causes them to break the rules. However, these same traits are what make them quick thinkers (aka “street smart”), and as resilient as the rubber bands used to hold their money. Bottom line, bad boys aren’t the type of men with whom you settle down.

But Psst….I have a secret: people will treat you however you allow, regardless of how they’re labeled by society. I’m not saying you can mold a bad boy into what you want, nor should you try, but respect should always be the minimum.

Meanwhile, I know the people offering suggestions have my best interest at heart, but they shouldn’t worry though, because I am not interested in settling down at this moment ANYWAY. That’s right, I generally enjoy the liberation of being single! People constantly try to figure out why, as if it’s so unnatural for a woman to want to be single. I cringe whenever someone suggests that I should date a man simply because “he looks good on paper.” It always goes a little something like, “Oh look! He’s educated and has a really good job! You need to get with him!”

The truth is, I’m in the middle of what may be the biggest transition in my life, and I’m too busy pouring all I’ve got into myself. I don’t care to maintain a relationship, and because I’m exploring so much, I need the space and liberty to move as I please. Sure I can have this arrangement with any type of man, but bad boys are more fun. They’re just as emotionally unavailable as I am. *GASP!* And in my experience, the “nice guys” get way too invested. They invest both their time and hard earned money. See where I’m going with this? I enjoy the occasional impromptu outings and getaways, and most nice guys either don’t have the means or simply aren’t comfortable spending too much on a fling.

Now it isn’t all about the money, but I’m at a point in my life where I just want to have fun when I’m not in school or working; and bad boys just want to have fun too. I don’t want to feel bad about a man spending money he doesn’t have to impress me, or spending it because he has certain expectations for us. The “bad boys” usually don’t have the same expectations (though they expect pussy), and guess what? That’s entirely up to me! When I decide not to give it up, they aren’t slighted in the least, cuz it’s all part of the lifestyle. I’m currently still attracted to bad boys because this low-commitment lifestyle often yields a high return. I get to enjoy the perks with the ability to walk away when I’m ready to.

And for the record, I’m not writing off the nice guys. I’m simply following my vagina (whoops). Most nice guys aren’t edgy enough for me; they can’t keep up (I guess they do finish last). And while we’re on the subject, what makes a “nice guy” good? A lucrative career? Having a degree? Wearing a suit? Well, I was with someone who had all of the above and he turned out to be an abusive prick. What you have is not who you are. But still I’m curious, is a “nice guy” good because he’s a sweetheart? Is he thoughtful? Does he care about your well-being? Here’s where things get ironic because I can recall certain “bad boys” who possessed the aforementioned traits. Don’t let the tough exterior fool you; these so-called bad boys have feelings too! The nice guys are cool, but there’s just something about a slick-talking, slow-bopping, good smelling, timbs-wearing brother that makes me bite my bottom lip……

The point is, a label doesn’t always dictate one’s worth, and it seems like people use the terms good and bad too loosely. Society has a habit of judging people based off their current roles, forgetting they are real people beneath their labels.

Take ME for example. I was your not-so-average, average stripper. I accumulated a small internet following by literally showing my ass and speaking uncouthly.

You think any person from a well-to-do family would deem me an appropriate fit? Probably not (but stranger things have happened…). Turns out, I’m smart enough for a woman’s Ivy League school, and not only do I have the ass of a goddess, but I’m also smart, funny, and I have a heart of gold. But enough about me!

Of course I intend to outgrow this bad boy phase (although ideally, I’d like for a bad boy to outgrow the phase with me…hey, a girl can dream). Our difference in values and long-term goals necessitates this, but growth doesn’t happen overnight. I wish people trusted me enough to know that who I choose to date at the moment will have no effect on my goals. I will not be carrying their baby, they will never have anything in my name, and I will not be anyone’s Trap Queen. I blow a fuse every time someone imposes THEIR ideal man on me. Like, WHY???? Have I not proven to be capable of making my own decisions? Is my growth not proof enough (and LORD KNOWS I’ve grown!)? Do I really need a “good” man to validate me?

And here I was thinking my accomplishments were validation enough…

Now, if I meet a man who has his shit together, can make me melt, and put me on to some new things, I’ll retire from the games for good! But until he shows up, I will continue to enjoy my flings, simply because I like them. What I won’t do is settle out of fear, especially not other people’s fear, or because he looks good on paper. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, his accomplishments have nothing to do with mine. This gal is well on her way, and nothing or no one will stop that!

How do you feel about bad boys? Do you value them as partners or toys? Are nice guys the way to go? Drop a few lines below!

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