Things To Do After Submitting Your Book Proposal
· Slumber like the sexy word beast you are. Dream of advances, royalites, and clandestine meetings with eager studio execs battling for the movie rights.
· Wake to find major error in the opening sentence of your query letter.
· Scramble to Submittable and see that the document is already In-Progress.
· Resolve to continue writing manuscript, in case the professional editor somehow missed the typo perched like a drunken cherub atop that first page.
· Open blank document on laptop.
· Decide world is a fucking catastrophe and you have nothing to contribute.
· Eat cookies for breakfast.
· Add movies you’ll never watch to Netflix queue.
· Text best friend asking if she’s read your latest blog post.
· No. That’s cool.
· Google ‘therapists in my area’.
· Check Submittable to see if proposal has been declined yet.
· Note pain in left hip from prolonged sit-and-fret session at computer.
· Take three ibuprofen and stare longingly at expired Oxycontin tucked in the corner of the medicine cabinet.
· Google exes. All of them.
· Google exes’ girlfriends.
· Engage in unhealthy comparisons.
· Price local gym memberships.
· Check Twitter.
· Go back to blank document.
· Type words.
· Delete words.
· Stare at blinking cursor and wonder why everything you touch turns to shit.
· Crack open a beer.
· Fuck, it’s only 11:00 a.m.
· Stream orange juice through bottle neck and pretend it’s a mimosa.
· Weep over missed typo in submitted proposal.
· Crawl into bed for a nap.
· Awaken with renewed purpose and enthusiasm!
· Catch reflection of your lifeless smile in the blank document on your laptop.
· Check Twitter again.
· Obsess over everyone who is more clever than you.
· Look for Free Stuff on Craigslist.
· Google ‘how to refurbish dresser’.
· Contemplate new career as DIY blogger.
And most impotantly:
· Tell everyone who asks that the writing is going great!