Things To Do After Submitting Your Book Proposal

· Slumber like the sexy word beast you are. Dream of advances, royalites, and clandestine meetings with eager studio execs battling for the movie rights.

· Wake to find major error in the opening sentence of your query letter.

· Scramble to Submittable and see that the document is already In-Progress.

· Resolve to continue writing manuscript, in case the professional editor somehow missed the typo perched like a drunken cherub atop that first page.

· Open blank document on laptop.

· Decide world is a fucking catastrophe and you have nothing to contribute.

· Eat cookies for breakfast.

· Add movies you’ll never watch to Netflix queue.

· Text best friend asking if she’s read your latest blog post.

· No. That’s cool.

· Google ‘therapists in my area’.

· Check Submittable to see if proposal has been declined yet.

· Note pain in left hip from prolonged sit-and-fret session at computer.

· Take three ibuprofen and stare longingly at expired Oxycontin tucked in the corner of the medicine cabinet.

· Google exes. All of them.

· Google exes’ girlfriends.

· Engage in unhealthy comparisons.

· Price local gym memberships.

· Check Twitter.

· Go back to blank document.

· Type words.

· Delete words.

· Stare at blinking cursor and wonder why everything you touch turns to shit.

· Crack open a beer.

· Fuck, it’s only 11:00 a.m.

· Stream orange juice through bottle neck and pretend it’s a mimosa.

· Weep over missed typo in submitted proposal.

· Crawl into bed for a nap.

· Awaken with renewed purpose and enthusiasm!

· Catch reflection of your lifeless smile in the blank document on your laptop.

· Check Twitter again.

· Obsess over everyone who is more clever than you.

· Look for Free Stuff on Craigslist.

· Google ‘how to refurbish dresser’.

· Contemplate new career as DIY blogger.

And most impotantly:

· Tell everyone who asks that the writing is going great!