First of all, thanks for reaching out!
I wish I had some easy step-by-step path to recovery you could follow, but of course I don’t. Our paths are all unique and sometimes we only find them by stumbling along- and that’s ok! Don’t pressure yourself to be better, but remember that you are worth the effort! You are worthy of everything your friend does for you. You deserve every ounce of love and compassion that she pours into you. Accept it. Let go of the guilt. You are not a burden, you are a beautifully flawed human being, as we all are in our own ways. I’m sure your friend is flawed, and I bet you love her anyway. Be willing to accept the same for yourself.
Also, get a pet, if you can! It sounds silly, but I made huge strides once I got my dog. If you can’t, maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter. There’s just something about animals that is so healing.
Lastly, do the work. Recovery isn’t easy, but hiding from the world and allowing yourself to continue suffering takes little effort. Do the work. Whether it means therapy, talking to a doctor about medication (it took me YEARS,) spending a week in the woods for self-reflection, whatever you need, do it. You deserve peace, even if it’s in fleeting moments right now, give yourself what you need. You are worth it, and you’re going to get through this. I never thought recovery would come, and it’s a path I’m still on, but I have come far, and you will too.
All my love to you on your journey. You got this.