A Cracked Plate

I’m worried I’m not going to have fun at comic con…*

Now I know the Comic Con badges are extremely hard to get and I can’t believe my family and I were as blessed to get to choose what days we got to go and get legit badges (the chances of this BTW are 6%). When many didn’t even get into the wait room in time to get the badges (and who sometimes resort getting fake or resold ones). Additionally this event is something I have been dreaming about for years.

So why be nervous? Why worry about having fun(when I usually don’t worry about having fun)?

I wasn’t able to get any NerdHQ panel tickets (who did?), the line up for the Sherlock panel at Comic Con is so large I think my entire campus college population is smaller than the line for the panel itself. There’s line ups for booths, exclusives, games, experiences, everything. I bet even the crappy food stands will have long line ups. On top of this I’m missing a midterm (a harder one at that), a quiz and a shift at my new job for this opportunity to go. The only chance I have to study for my midterm and quiz really is within these aforementioned line ups. Plus my math tutoring is really suffering.

I have so much on my plate and I’m worried the plate is going to crash while I’m gone. Yet just last semester I took 5 courses (and actually got decent grades, not what I needed but still). This semester I’m only taking 3, what the heck?! I mean seriously, yes I have a job now but the shift is only 6 hours per week. Yes, I have been volunteering more, but it’s way cut back now. Yes I see my friends a little more, but conversations give me energy (I’m an extrovert and a voice processor). Yes I put more time and effort into my small groups, but that’s ended now. Yes I have a math tutor now and now I have to cram and take an assessment test. Which requires me to remember everything from basic algerbra that I never really understood into like a month with everything else that has been going on. Oh and I have a cold.

So okay… maybe I am swamped. But what can I do? I was so lazy during the first half of the semester and now I’m paying for it. Not just in school (my grades are actually bad, in my eyes, anything lower than 70% is terrible), but at home and other areas of my life as well. I took summer courses because in the past summers of my education having nothing to do has led me into a depression spiral that I have no wish to re-experience. Who knew that I would get a job? Who knew that the kitchen would be renovated? Who knew that I would completely reconsider my major and education path? Who knew that I would get a somewhat better start on healing from past wounds? God knew. Maybe I’m not actually worried about having fun, maybe I’m worried that me going to Comic Con is the worst manifestation of my procrastination habit and other bad habits. That once I come back from Comic Con, nothing will ever be the same. I will never be able to pick up the pieces of my plate and put them back together.

So, you say, why go to Comic Con? You can cancel… Yes I could technically cancel, but the flight has been paid for, badges bought, costume items purchased. And I actually paid for some of it this time. I’ve told everyone I’m going, I’ve made arrangements to go. Heck I’m missing a midterm to go to this thing, if I cancel, I won’t be any ready to take the midterm now, than if I did go to Comic Con. Which I will be doing. (FYI I did make arrangements to take the midterm at a later date, a date perhaps too close to after Comic Con, but still I’m not that crazy).

So what are you going to do? Me? Rely and trust in God. It’s all I got, I mean I am going to do my best to prep for my school work and Comic Con, but it’s really so small in comparison to how much God has got a handle on my life. Also lots of prayer, even though I still suck at it. And the cracked plate? Well there’s this quote I heard on an older episode of a podcast recently “It’s not going to eat you.” And while the metaphor for a cracked plate may now be shattered, God’s love for me in this hasn’t. He’s got this.

Thanks for reading through, as a treat. Here’s a hint to what my costume will be, which actually has nothing to do with Hello Kitty, though for those of you who know me I’m sure you can already guess at what I’m going to be.

Is that a whisk I see?

*This is a really weird statement to type and definitely a “first-world nerd” problem, but everyone has their own problems and I have never really liked the term first-world and it’s connotations so let’s move on from that term and go back to talking about me.

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