The Bane of the Gift
It’s not the noise disrupting the silence,
but the silence the noise.
I usually do not speak of my Journey, for the hate and inapprehension have discouraged me. Yet now I felt I had to write a little of the path that lies behind me; to heal, and indeed to greet the world.
I have a humble inborn mystical giftedness. I remember having two conscious moments in the womb, communing with the heart chakra of my mother. When at last I would be born, I stood by my bed of birth in a higher-dimensional body. I was accompanied by two others. They said: ‘You need not take this birth; it is not forced upon you (karmically). Should you continue, much suffering shall await you.’
‘I know,’ answered I, ‘but the child now is born,’ said I, considering the mother who had just given birth to her first child. ‘Promises have been made.’
‘Very well then; we shall be with you,’ my companions said with a heavy heart.
I began to connect with the infant body, lying next to my mother. She looked at me, lying on her side. She asked me: ‘What are the things you shall tell the world?’
I had understood the question; a host of languages that I had spoken in previous lifetimes simultaneously arose with which I sought to answer, but suddenly this process failed: I could not speak. Throughout my infant days, the soul continued to gradually settle into the new human body. The incarnation process isn’t instant.
When I was one-and-a-half years old I looked out over the sea of Chios, Greece; and my child’s mind wondered if at the horizon I beheld the end of the world. As I gazed at the horizon, I entered a state of concentration so that my higher chakras became activated. Suddenly, I was in contact with a higher realm, and received an answer to my question in a wordless language: You see but as far as your eyes permit you to see; beyond the horizon awaits ever more land and sea. In the future you shall cross the ocean and dwell in lands afar, and understand the nature of reality. For this, you must let go of your family.
I looked over my shoulder at my parents, sitting on the beach. They looked back at me, somehow understanding I had a special moment.
‘But they shall suffer; and I am dependent on them,’ I communicated back with my mind; half in words, half in a silent form of communication.
Trust in life; try now.
And then I walked, and walked, and walked; along the sea, over the beach of Chios. I remained in communion with the higher realm. It continued to say: You are not like other people, and people will not understand you and will at times be bad unto you. You must never allow people to teach you of who you are.
Return now to your family.
‘I can still go on.’
The time is not yet.
My child’s mind was unconditioned, for this reason no biased sense of normality had yet been indoctrinated into me, and so this event was by no means experienced as out of the ordinary. This is why I, for a long time, forgot. I forgot, but also the message: Do not ever let people teach you of who you are.
A Violent Awakening
The human race is fundamentally a vulnerable and mortal creature; for this reason destruction is a concept held in awe. One must prove oneself by how much destruction one can endure (alcohol, drugs; violence), and how much destruction one is capable of administering (socially and physically), and how willingly. And so virtue is deemed vice, and vice is deemed virtue. The world of humanity is a world upside down. By the age of sixteen I had been utterly demoralized for all the hate I had to receive for my sense of compassion and indeed, with all due humility, a certain inspired wisdom that arises naturally from the realms of meditative silence cultivated within my soul. I had adapted to the behaviour standard of the world in order to survive, and so (self-loathingly) had become utterly estranged of who I truly was inside. But an event was about to take place that would reunite me with myself on a spiritual level. The school I then attended hosted a party, and parties do not mean joy, they mean sex, intoxication, and violence. A strong, muscular young man had been trying to provoke me into violence several times that night, but I always managed to assuage the situation and kindly decline his appetite for combat. Eventually I saw him picking a fight with a youngster that could clearly not defend himself; a special sense of vulnerability enwound his mien. A sense of compassionate duty awoke within me so that I walked up to the situation. I placed my hand on the would-be victim’s shoulder and asked if he was okay. I pretended “we were waiting for him”, inviting him away out of this situation: away from harm. It happened fast; suddenly the aggressor had turned all his rage against me. The violence exploded. But somehow I became calm: a blissful power had awoken within me. The aggressor punched and kicked me, but the energy which was now circulating through my body’s meridians somehow prevented both pain and harm. My opponent looked confused, then grabbed me by the collar: ‘Come on, fight!’
‘I don’t want to fight.’
He then wanted to slam his forehead into my face. A calm dignity coursed through my being; I bowed with a sense of humility and respect. Because of the angle I had assumed, he slammed his nose into my forehead (harming only himself). The aggressor grabbed his face, shouting, and fell back. He fell back into a man even stronger and bigger than him; this man now started fighting my opponent. I was unharmed. Members of the thug culture approached me and told me they were willing to fight for me. I accepted their special handshakes, but not their proposal for further violence. The night would end without further conflict.
In that moment of violence, energy had coursed through my spine and energy meridians; I now realize I had a kundalini awakening. Kundalini is a primal, evolutionary power located at the base of the spine. When awoken, it ascends up the spine and begins to nourish the ethereal facet of a human being. One’s greater potential awakens. Again I entered into a wordless contact with a higher realm, and was told that meditation is a developed facet of my soul. I was urged to give in to it. As I sat down in tailor pose on my bed, the knowledge of meditative, lower abdominal breathing was induced upon me. I began to enter meditation. My body and my spirit were starting to refind each other; I started having memories of my past lives and reintegrated facets of the mystical cultivation I have pursued in those lifetimes. A foremost mystical quality that I reintegrated is the Taoist skill of entering into direct, personal communion with the inner workings of reality — nature.
How a Taoist Mystic Knows Truth
In order to explain how a Taoist mystic makes contact with the subtle workings of reality, I must introduce a principle that I like to call transcendental empathy. To a Taoist, the transcendental Tao is not only the divine source of life, but naturally also the universal essence of all things. A mountain, a tree, a river, a lifeform; all of these things share the same universal essence, the Tao. Not only do these commonplace things share in this universal essence but also more abstract things, such as the laws of nature — the principles of life. The meaning of empathy is that one is able to understand another person by being able to place oneself in his or her position. By living in attunement with Tao, one places oneself in the universal essence of all things, thereby attaining an empathic relationship with the myriad facets of existence, including the laws and harmonizing dynamics of nature. This allows a Taoist to become wise and enter into a state of harmony. One cultivates the Tao by living in a state of mindfulness and stillness. This stabilizes one’s lifeforce, which can thence be directed unto Tao by holding the transcendental principle in the mind.
A Oneness Lonesome
The deep stillness my communion with Tao and the laws of nature inspired into me, made me desire to journey through the East as a lonesome wanderer; as foretold, I would cross the ocean and walk in foreign lands beyond the sea. My inner silence was ever met with hatred and threats of physical violence, even from those vowed to some sacred path such as Buddhism or Taoism. They disdain the one that walks his path independent of religion and tradition, and take offence at transcendental stillness. My silent communion with the fabric of reality ultimately made me a writer; though, as foretold, at the price of not having family. They, like all whom I befriended, have rejected me for my transcendental stillness.
Though I have shared a little of my Journey and its underlying humble mystical giftedness, in no way do I seek spiritual status. The world of spirituality is a very strange and even a very dangerous little world, full of all human transgression imaginable. I am but a poet with a little bit of mystical talent. I have adopted the name Aviilokín K’shi after an abandoned character in one of my manuscripts, and should not be misunderstood as a desire for proclaiming a divine identity.
Your humble wanderer,
© Aviilokín K’shi all rights reserved ❤