I Am My Own Keeper
I took my first real trip in the bathtub. The strain was Golden Teacher, freshly harvested and consumed raw. 20g (2g dry weight equivalent). They taste disgusting raw by the way. It took forever to kick in, about two hours but when it did, we flew together though colorful closed-eye visuals. There was one notable memory I have to share from this experience, but first I need to reference a book that had significant impact on me- Waking Up by Sam Harris.
Dr Harris is a well known author and vocal atheist who blends neuroscience, atheism, Buddhism and a sprinkle of his personal experiences with psychedelics in his popular books and podcasts. In this book he describes split brain experiments performed on people who for one reason or another had their corpus collosum severed. This means that the bundle of nerve fibers that connect the right and left sides of their brains was cut, and the two sides were not able to communicate with each other. Surprisingly, this alters the daily functioning of the human very little. Since our left eye and ear give input to our right brain, and our right eye and ear feed into the left side, and we generally have binocular vision and stereo hearing- both sides of our brain take in and process the same information at the same time, as it comes in to both sides equally and simultaneously. Our speech center however, is located on one side of our brain, usually the left. So while the left side is verbal, the right is silent. People who have no internal connection between the right and left side of the brain then, make for interesting experimental subjects.
It goes like this. A split brain person is given visual or auditory input in such a way that only one eye or one ear is exposed to it and the information is fed into only one side of the brain. They are then asked to answer questions about this information in a non-verbal way using writing or typing or pointing with their hand (the motor function of the hand too is controlled by the opposite side of the brain). Eerily, sometimes the two sides of the brain will provide non-conforming answers to each other. Or, what the person speaks (representing their left brain), will not conform to what the right brain may have answered, silently, via writing, moments prior. Dr Harris does a much better job discussing this eloquently in his book in service of a greater point about the non-existence of a solidified singular Ego within our brain. I bring this up only to generate context for how I view my bathtub experience that follows.
The tub fit me whole and is deep enough for me to go under if I slump. As the trip washes over me in waves and I surrender to the spiraling and pulsing visuals that feel like going down a never ending waterslide changing directions to undulating music, I am yanked back to reality every few seconds by the fact that I am sitting in several feet of water and there is a safety element at play. It just so happened that a week prior, the actor Matthew Perry died in a hot tub, with some mind altering substances in the mix and the adult responsible part of me has no plans to go out like that.
What a traveler to do? The right answer of course would be to get out of the tub and continue the journey on dry land. Did I mention that psychedelics make you feel cold? Oh so cold. So a HOT bathtub cocooning you like a womb is too difficult to vacate mid trip. Trust me on this. So as my rational mind ponders this dilemma I feel it wrapping itself around, I don’t know, around me? Some other part of me? And it tells me “I got you, let go” — I feel metaphorical arms embrace my mind and I release my hold on reality, plunging into the waterslide. At the same time, that calm, rational part of my brain is counting breaths and heartbeats to make sure that the physical body is safe. Instead of toggling between the trip experience and awareness of my physical surroundings, I had concurrent awareness of both in two completely distinct elements of my mind.
I have no way to explain this rationally. It was like reading a book AND having a conversation at the same time, in parallel, not in series.
Moral of the story is: do not trip in bathtubs, its a bad idea. and the mind is wondrous, beautiful thing.
