Setting God Free

Ayham Kader
Nov 3, 2019 · 8 min read

I can’t talk to you

I honestly find it difficult to talk to you

Not to my friends though… which is weird

Be cause chances that you’d listen is defiantly higher

If you are thinking: Ohh he does not have good friends. Think again!

True friends are supposed to tolerate you. Otherwise you don’t know each other well enough yet.

Half full

A collage professor told us once that one would be lucky if he ended up with just a half a friend. Later we asked:

What is the difference?

He replied: A half of a friend is a person who sacrifices their dignity for you and a full friend is one who sacrifices their life for you.

Now a days, I have got the half

You know… I can smell tolerance ;).

But what about the full friend!?

I have a greedy side you know

No matter how much I search or wait for it I can’t seem to find that person.

So… I decided to be a father

and be that friend to my kids and family!

…. Which sucks really! Cause Chances are that they won’t be the same for me!

But I will do it anyway! Be cause it is about me from the beginning and at the end.

Living the dream

Ahh guys I really have to say that I have dreamed about this my whole life (talking to a group of people)

I used to believe that one would have to achieve something of material significance in order to get a spot. Acquire enough recognition to be able to truly express one’s self like this.

I did not know it was this easy to achieve my dreams

Ego

Well… this settles it

I no longer consider my Ego an enemy

It is a friend

Not full, but a half one 😉

Lonely

So at this point of my life, I am happy

but still lonely 😉

And so… I will talk to you about someone. Without him (if u r sexiest), I would have committed suicide a long time ago.

So please everyone Lets give it up for Jesus….

For Allah?…

Buddah.

Anything?

… Nothing?….

Okay, lets give it up for Nothing!

The more I discuss

The more I talk and discuss this entity with anyone who has a specific position towards it the more I realize the separation we are living and experiencing!

It is subtle

Not many can put their hands on it

Instead we hide behind political correctness. Engaged with trivial matters that make us seem as if we are invested into making the world a better place

While in fact we are only trying to make it better for us, and us alone.

Atheists

When I talk to atheists and ask them: So, what do you believe in?

The answer, usually, is: I don’t believe in God.

I say: sure, but what do you believe in?!

You can not have a believe of not believing in something. Logically, no?

So most go on to say, well I believe in energy or the universe.

Which are, in my opinion, different names for the same.

But then one person told me this:

I believe in nothing!

I said: NOTHING!

….. Yes, nothing.

Honestly, I was shocked and felt a bit sad and hopeless inside.

That was a year or so ago.

Yet today, I learned that the word (nothing) actually means

“no Thing”… not a single thing

Which basically means “everything”

And just like that we ended up back to where we started.

Berlin Anmeldung story

I was born in Iraq and have lived most of my life in Qatar.

I was and still believe in God

It is very rare for me to find someone who looks at life, or at this topic, similarly to the way I do. Up to the point where I came here 😊.

The realization started when I went to make my lovely first Anmeldung.

So the official asks me for the regular information:

YOUR NAME: Ayham Kader

AGE: I was 33 at the time

RELIGION: ….. hmm

that was a hard question to answer really.

So I said: I am brought up a Muslim and also I believe in everything.

And so he notes down:

No Religion.

I looked at it and I said to myself, while laughing on the inside: I really don’t know what I can make out of this! But it sounds about right.

Freedom

That moment was so freeing, or rather, that moment showed me how free I was and how much I can express it here.

Trip to Qatar

So I went back to Qatar for a visit and shared this story with some of my religious friends and family.

One of them snapped and said:

WHAT THE FUCK! THIS IS OUR IDENTITY, THIS IS WHO WE ARE. BLA BLA BLA

I replied to him: sorry but am not like you! I don’t view life, only, through the lens of Islam. Or at least your version of it.

View/Life/Perspective

I take life and view it through many lenses.

God is way grander than any religion or opinion

I am scared

That was the point where it hit me!

If I’d be scared

I’d be scared of Muslims

Not Islam

If I’d be scared

I’d be scared of jews

Not Judaism

I’d be scared of Christians, Buddhists..

and actually any person who attaches a label on themselves. Religious or another.

Am scared of label owners

As they will try their best to drag you into their world or push your existence away as much as they can. Aggressively or peacefully, the judgement is the same.

And we all are, one way or another.

LABELs AND ROLEs:

We all are humans underneath all these labels and roles we play in society.

But that is what they all are, just labels and roles

It is not what defines us factually, yet in reality… it sadly is.

Don’t get me wrong

I see and understand how terrifying it is not to have them…

not to belong…

To be naked

To be alone!

… But… That’s what it takes!

Wait

And am not asking you to drop those labels

To call them wrong or radical

We need those to make life colorful!

To make life exciting!

But life could be like this only when we know for a fact that we are way more than just the roles we play.

You are not just the roles you play.

God is a life beyond roles

God is love manifested.

God is freedom beyond the known

Argument and analysis

Do you know how I know that it exists internally and externally?

Because terms such as Love, god, and the human self cannot be defined.

The moment we define it we break it!

We limit it… we limit ourselves, world and capacity to love

This is why answering the question (who am I)

would only point out our limitations.

Or the question

why do you love yourself?

Answering such a question would only condition it and later…

Condition Ourselves!

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it ~ Rumi

No matter how much we know

And then I realized that no matter how much we know about anything, we would never know enough.

No matter how much we consume, we can never be satisfied enough.

Scared ego

And this whole struggle to advance and to know more is nothing more than the ego being scared shitless.

Scared to know that it is mortal. To know that it is not god.

Yet, just part of it!

Part of 2!

I am both

I am both the roles and what lays beyond

I can’t let go of one or the other.

Because Both are gifts and they are here to stay.

Yet

If I am not aware of the separation, I’ll not be able to see the unity within myself and with others.

NOW

The title is ‘Setting God Free’. But is it about God?

I thought it was always about us. Me and you.

However, attachment to any idea such as the idea of god, imprison us rather than liberate us. Because ideas are owned by those who claim it.

Now I understand why any entity claiming authority over God, which in fact most religious if not all do, is a business. The most deceiving one, because what they preach, or at least refer to, is relevant to the human experience and consciousness in general. Yet, accepting or rather understanding usually leads the individual to follow. Then and there you are owned.

Which is fine for me. A business like any business!

It serves and harms.

The way I understand god, personally, is through myself.

I mean how else?

How much can anyone tell me about my truth other than what is already there in me?

But we are not taught to listen to ourselves. We are taught to listen to others since really early age.

I will not try tell you what god is. But can we be free to explore that within us when even the language we use are not ours. Can we really explore beyond what is familiar?

Beyond the material?

No body can argue against the perception of God not being a THING.

But is that limited to just God? If so, can someone define Music? A plant? Any thing for that matter?

Taking music for example. If one defines it, no matter how cool and sophisticated the definition sounds. It still is limited.

Because the definition will be based on knowledge. And knowledge is ALWAYS limited.

The more we know, the more there is to know.

And by that we are not doing any definition or thing justice, Yet only doing ourselves and our accumulated experiences justice.

THING

The word thing, as I see it… for now, is a tool of identification.

It is the way we materialize the external world to ourselves to interact with it. But we seem to have forgotten that and the result became that the thing is the truth rather than what lays beyond it.

NO-THING

What lays beyond the thing is beyond articulation and explanation. It is there to be observed, perceived, and payed attention to.

I usually say to people who ask about what I believe in:

“I believe in that which is not a thing” And I used to put the example as follows:

I believe in Music, not in songs. I believe in humans not in a patriot.

But, as we said, anything is not actually what I think of it. And so I made a full circle back to where I started.

And so I reached a place where I no longer am attached to the word belief and instead another dimension took place. Which is…

Vision

Free to observe and listen, hence, understand. Life is always new that way.

Again I am referring to our inner world. We are beyond any accumulated knowledge or experience. We are that and infinity more… at the very least.

Try it.

Ayham Kader

Written by

Retired corporate professional, sometimes a poet, DJ and music producer, creativity and mental health coach and always an Inner Freedom Activist @ Tripute.

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