Dumped on my B-day Rant : (
Today I reached my breaking point. To make a long story short, I got dumped on my B-day a little over a week ago…. for the 2nd time… BY THE SAME PERSON!!!
To start this off, I wish I would have never gone to college. I have a marketing degree from, the Kelley School of Business, one of the most prestigious business programs in the country. Looking back, I would’ve been better off getting an entry level job at COSTCO. There, I could have taken their raises up to this point, and my hourly wage would be in the high $20 figures. This degree has done NOTHING but get me a couple of interviews.
I’ll be the first to admit it, I have issues. The main one being I’m never satisfied… I tried… I tried sooo hard. Sitting on social media all day, posting things that make my life seem perfect, gossiping about other people, on the phone or through text, and just working a job that gives me no type of satisfaction just aren’t for me. I’ve tried to dedicate my life to this constant circle of BS, but I always reach a point where my mind just screams NOOOO…. YOU’RE MEANT FOR MORE…. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???…. Lately it’s resulted in me quitting multiple BS jobs this year. One of my new pet peeves is people saying “Nobody likes their job”…. I’m sorry, but that’s just not enough for me. Thus, she said I didn’t talk to her about resigning from positions before doing so.
2nd… I don’t know what I want. I do, but deep down I’m torn. The Sr. to my Jr. was arrested for selling heroine, king pin charge, so I came up in a broken home. They always say this about females, but I have “dad” issues. What he did was most likely to provide for us, she made that point to me. But at the same time, I don’t know Sr. This strong Nigerian blood runs through my veins, but I’m a passive aggressive person. Tried the whole tough guy thing…. Wasn’t very fun…. I’m more about Love, Peace, and Creativity. When I think about my past actions, all I’ve ever wanted was a family….
3rd… I’m too loyal. This young lady has dreams. They entail getting married, buying a house, and living happily ever after. Sorry…. but I have dreams too. Finding a way to teach creative kids how to make money in this world, helping people go from nothing to something, and just passing along the love of God. Also, not telling, but teaching kids God loves you. GO B ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE!!! I did it, let me teach you. Instead of chasing my dreams, I’ve chased this person who’s dropped me to become the side chick of coke heads with GF’s.
4th… I love music too much. When I think about one of the most influential moments of my life, picture your fav cheesy teenage movies. You know? The one where the bifocal wearing brunette, with marble green eyes, finally reveals her freckled face, and gets a BF… I’m the nerdy guy who was too afraid to speak to her, even though I could see who she really was. One day I came to my dark room, turned my radio on, and laid on the bed. There was just enough strength left in my tortured body to reach the remote of my boombox stereo… “Yuh Yo…. It could all be so simple…. BUT YOU’D RATHER MAKE IT HARD…. Loving you is like a bad allure, AND WE BOTH END UP WITH SCARS!!!…. I could quote the whole song, but in that moment, music took control of my soul. No girl could ever take it’s place.
I’ll never understand how people get you, but I almost understand music. Through life, it’s the only thing that has never left me alone. Like if I get dumped for a wannabe IG model, I write songs about how I’m feeling in the moment. The process of being creative and finding the words to paint a picture out of thin air is addicting. Well, almost as addicting as Love….
It was a random argument. She’s the one who told me arguments for relationships. With control freaks, they get to the point where they’re like “ I WANT THIS NOW!!!” The first thing I remember is her asking “Why do you even want to marry me?” The next is me saying “I don’t believe in marriage.” Then I continued “And I don’t want to buy a house with YOU.” A couple of the worst things you can say to your fiance. Next I angrily told her, “All you want is to get YOUR new car, YOUR house, and have YOUR wedding.”
After seeing her reaction to my anger, I tried to clarify, “I may not believe in marriage, but I love you so much and I know how important it is to YOU. I’ll do anything for you.” Didn’t matter…. It was too late. She left me the moment I opened up and spoke the truth.
The next day, my B-day, we talked and I acted like I was fine with not being together. I tried to convince myself that maybe she’s better off without me. Next thing I know, I’m drunk at my friends house with another girl. I didn’t really do anything because even in my drunken stupor, there was a part of me that wanted to be faithful to her in that moment. The next morning I got back to the house around 5am and slept until noon. Didn’t try to, but when you don’t eat, drink excessively, and get sick, it takes a lot out of you. Their grandma ended up taking care of the kids. Everyone messes up sometimes…
When I said all those things to her, I wasn’t trying to end our relationship. We have communication issues and I wanted to open up like “Hey. This is how I feel. We should work on this before sealing the deal.” Next thing I know, “I need space,” turns into dumped through text, to not engaged on FB, and all alone…. again.
Back to the point of this, tonight I called her and gave it one last shot. I let her know I can’t sleep, eat, and all I think about is her and the kids. What did I get? “I don’t know what to say. I’m just tired of this.” At that moment I didn’t think I could keep going and just wanted to hear her say, “Come home.” But at the same time, it’s as if she was waiting for me to say something crazy about wanting to end my life, so she could run and tell her friends. Don’t ever give them that pleasure.
At the end of the day I put every dollar and ounce of energy I had into making a family and it didn’t work out. Helped put her through school so she could make good money, and now it’s done. My thoughts have gotten very dark lately, but her showing no emotion confirmed I’m better off moving on now.
This morning if she wanted, I would have probably married her tomorrow. Now? I still love her, but I’ll let her go. This is what Love has done to me. Thanks for reading. TTYL.
— Love B.F.F.