Okay, this one ranks last because it really just doesn’t have enough Roberts.
First, he’s at this desk.
idk, he looks very fancy. Then he gets up to go look at Mariah Carey on his creepy television bank.
It is v v v creepy. Please call the cops. Anyway, this party looks fun! So Eric Roberts goes downstairs to take a look. Dunno why he was unaware of the party in his own mansion but okay.
That’s when he sees Mariah… but Mariah sees Wentworth Miller in a mask. Uh oh. Love triangle!
TO BE CONTINUED
(we’ll get back to this riveting story later)
This song is terrible, but it’s Eric Roberts quotient is preeeettty solid. To be honest, I only made it through the first 45 seconds because this song and video and band are hot garbage but: here’s what I saw.
Eric Roberts with a cane.
Eric Roberts dramatically closing a flip phone.
Great job, Eric!
If there is one thing Eric Roberts is very good at pretending to be, it is an affluent white male who wields a lot of power and seduces women noticeably younger than himself. Which is fine! Age ain’t nothing but a number that dictates some of our established social norms.
LOOK AT hIM BROOD FROM BEHIND THAT CURTAIN. (btw that curtain looks very comfortable)
Okay so I guess the Killers guy likes the girl but also Eric Roberts likes the girl. (Sidenote: is Eric Roberts supposed to be Mr. Brightside?)
Then Eric is like, “hey bud, the girl is mine. let’s play chess lol.”
And Brandon Flowers says “nope!” but Eric Roberts is like “ayy lmao”
Oh yeah, the other thing Eric Roberts is very good at being is a cop. In this video, he is tracking down International Jewelry Thieves Ja Rule and Charlie Baltimore.
This is Eric Roberts doing his interrogation face.
INTERROGATION FACe. ENGAGE.
Nice tie, bro.
So Charlie ends up doing time because she won’t snitch on Ja. But then she gets out of prison and she and Ja fly to a beach and think they’re clear.
BUT GUESS WHAT. they’re not clear. Eric Roberts found them, and he also found a dope hawaiian shirt and backwards cap.
Cop Eric is back in this one too.
He springs Akon from jail so they can go to a club and find this woman.
First, Akon’s gotta get the stuff that the prison took from him. Eric Roberts shows off the underside of his wrist.
“Check out my wrist, Akon.”
*smash cut to the club*
The cluuuuuuub. We Made It! There’s Akon introducing Eric Roberts to all of the women he knows in the club. “I know her. She is very pretty also. That girl? We had a very long conversation about what happens after you die. I know you know this stuff, because you are an urban cop.” —Akon, Konvicted
Eric Roberts meets two women in the club.
Later… Eric Roberts loses his blazer somehow. ERic! That blazer looked expensive. Go find it jfc
Then: Akon makes a break for it. Messed up that a Konvicted kriminal would do Eric Roberts dirty like that but so it goes.
This is the very good face Eric Roberts makes when he realizes that Akon is trying to escape:
lolololololololololololololololololol that face!!!
“EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE WAy. I’M COP ERIC ROBERTS AND I GOTTA STOP AKON. I GOT DISTRACTED IN THE CLUB AND I’M SORRRY. MOVE MOVEMOVE”
But unfortunately, Eric is tooooo late.
“Byyyyyyyeeeeee” —Akon, Konvicted
First things first: this is a sequel to “Mr. Brightside.” Brandon Flowers was like, “How can I get E.Robs back in my life.” And another one of The Killers piped up like “sequel to Mr. Brightside” and Brandon Flowers said, “duh-doyyeeee.” So that’s how we got here.
Also. ALSO! This one is animated. Cartoon Eric Roberts. Hold on to your butts.
Lookin’ good Eric! Have you lost a dimension? (He’s 2D, fyi)
LOOK AT THIS. DUDE KNOWS WHAT’S UP. “I’m Eric Roberts, as a cartoon, hanging out under the stars in my all-white suit.” Damn.
Just wait. #itgetsbetter
The video, which was cartoon, then goes to real life. We get a double dose. Cartoon Eric Roberts and then irl ERic Roberts, which is more than we deserve, imho.
Look at this:
Baller car. Baller suit. Baller c-tier character actor. We Made It.
A human being directed this video. “Can we get more smoke? I need more smoke here. Let’s make sure to get the smoke also.”
FINALLY: a motif. Eric Roberts just loves hanging out behind ornate curtains. He loves it. Just can’t get enough, that Eric.
“ayy lmao xoxox”—curtain eric roberts
Remember way back at the beginning of this Medium when I said TO BE CONTINUED in all capital letters? Well, here we are. This video is the sequel to “It’s Like That.” Eric Roberts loves two-part music videos.
The video takes place on Mariah Carey’s wedding day. (Congrats, Mimi!) She is marrying star of stage and screen Eric Roberts, or a Joe Millionaire played by Eric Roberts.
Eric Roberts is all tux’d out. He must have a good tailor.
He is like, “I’m ready to kiss you, MAriah.” and Mariah’s face just says, “haha lol what?”
Why is MAriah so scared? It’s because Wentowrth Miller, the guy in the mask from the other video, has crashed her nuptials.
“hi guys cool wedding i’m just gonna be over here.” —wentworth
smh wentworth you look like a Dang Clown.
But then Mariah Carey decides to run off with Wentworth instead. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“Byyyeeee” she says, doing her best Akon imitation (because he also ran away at the end of his video). Look at poor Eric’s face.
But then she leaves and Eric’s face, because he is a billionaire man, probably old money, just screams “ayy lmao”
But really, he’s hurt inside.
“ ayy lmao ;( ”
In conclusion, these are the best music videos featuring Eric Roberts.