September 19th, 2016
My brain is a bit sore…
I’ve been practicing Esperanto pretty much all day. (Saluton!)
After this quick respite from “Esperantoland”, (whereas I’ll write down a few random thoughts on what a typical day for me is like for me), I’ll probably get back on Lernu! for one more quick round of Auxiliary Lingvo shenanigans, then go home, eat, wash my twat and read. All in that order…
Just an idea, if someone says that they do not wish to discuss politics or pretty much anything political or religious, it’s probably best to NOT try to force them to do so. I learned this the hard way many moons ago, when I thought hanging out with a born again Christians was a good idea. I thought having interfaith chats where we would actually learn about each other and still break bread as brothers and stuff would be cool…
That friendship ended when he screamed at me that I was in the service of Satan, at work.
I am not a perfect man by any means, I have many, many, many flaws. Mostly these flaws stem from my own fears. Fears of failure. Fears of living. Fears of success. Fear of bad oral sex. The list goes on, and on…
Tonight, I am pensive. For some reason that moment (after a tasty bout of Thai Food we had)has reasserted itself from my internal catalog of vaguely fucked up moments. I don’t even remember how the whole thing started, just that afterwards, we weren't friends anymore.
I can think back on a few awkward moments in friendships, here and there.
Times where communication breaks down and feelings get hurt. Someone who you generally love suddenly despises you because of something you did or said. Hell, I know I’ve broke off from people that I felt had gone over the line. Sometimes temporarily, sometimes for life. And I've had a few people do that to me too…
It happens, right?
But yeah, I’m on a time here, and I’m thinking. A part of me want’s this day to end quickly. The other part wants it to linger past it’s expiration.
Sometimes when I meet people, I wonder what our friendship expiration will be. It would be convenient if they had it stamped on their forehead. Maybe it would make relationships a little easier.
Unable to relate in a world of labeling, I still try my best to box myself into the space for starving, misunderstood artists.
I wonder, why can’t I just laugh and let go of shit. Why do I still have a moment in my head (with the devout born again) cataloged and filed away for a ‘friend’ well past their expiration date? Why do I even care?
I shift in my seat, allowing my right testicle to shift a little inside the fabric of my trousers. It’s a man thing. The shift.
So changing the subject, I got a little retail job. I officially start tomorrow. Yay!
On my days off I’ll continue to come here to the library, to self study, write, blog about my feelings and my nuts…