The Struggle to be somebody and just be

There’s a turmoil inside that walks the line of making something of your life and just living it.

It’s not hard to understand why.

Between the time man created the first tool to fire was 2.3 million years. Compare that to the telephone and now where the inventions include nuclear weapons, personal computers, televisions, internet, the iPhone — all in less than 200 years.

We’ve “advanced” so far in such a minimum amount of time, is it possible that we disconnected too quickly to a piece of ourselves that was solely dedicated to purpose.

A life that required community, that didn’t rush building a fire, cooking a meal, hunting, gathering, because that was all that mattered.

On the subject of fire — I feel the rush most when it comes to this practice. I’m lucky enough to be able to build fires a couple times a month and anytime I do, I generally have a bit of time so doing it the classic way with kindling, building a core, starting over again if need be — it’s almost therapy.

Almost anytime someone is there that’s not my husband or I — they throw fuel on the fire to completely disregard the ritual, the time it takes to build something so simple, but so necessary.

There’s a piece of me that doesn’t know how to operate in this world and I think it’s in most of us as we’re still rooted in the earth but immersed in technology. This lack of a struggle for survival and all the triumphs that come with doing just that — surviving — translates to anxiety, confusion about who we are or what to do with our lives, depression. Match that with the constant comparison from social media, and it’s clear that nothing you do will ever be enough in this world we’ve built.

And why are we trying so hard to reach this commercial vision of “success” — notoriety, money, things. Why do we care so much how other’s perceive us?

The smartest people I’ve ever met — don’t.

They work in factories, they work with their hands, they prioritize time over money or status.

I feel very fortunate to have been apart of so many amazing things in my career. To have worked with teams to build something bigger than us and I’ve always stayed true to believing in anything I put that time into.

But no matter how big we built, how much we accomplished and how hard I worked to contributes — there was always a void.

Why does it matter?

We come into and leave this world alone. The tangible things we earn or create won’t matter when you’re in the grave and you can’t take them with you to whatever, if anything, comes next.

So why do they mean so much to us?

Should we not just be dedicated and focused on the intangible — love, joy, sorrow, belonging.

Why are we so obsessed with sharing out the things we do rather than just enjoying them with the people that are physically with us?

I will say there is an internal joy that does come with the road to “being somebody” but at what cost is it to just being? Is there a balance to both?