Man Masquerading as Mitt Romney Comes Clean

Washington, D.C. — The man masquerading as Mitt Romney has come clean. He reportedly confessed to a co-worker in the men’s restroom. “I was sitting there doing my paperwork, if you will, and this Romney guy was in the stall next to me,” the co-worker told us. The co-worker asked not to be identified because he didn’t want to be known as someone that goes to the bathroom at work.

“The guy started off by saying ‘Father, it has been forty years since my last confession,’” the co-worker told us.

Our source confirmed for us that the man, later identified as Wade Dingy, went on to confess to walking around the D.C. area, talking with strangers, and sharing his plans to run for president. Those plans included — but were not limited to — riding Rand Paul around congress rallying support and playing darts with a picture of Hillary Clinton.

It’s not clear yet whether Romney will seek charges against Mr. Dingy. When asked to comment on Mr. Dingy’s impersonation, Mitt replied, “I’m impersonal actually.”

Regardless, we can all rest easy knowing that Mitt’s third run is just a farce and that we’ll be spared months of nonsense.


Originally published at aftercolony415.com on January 14, 2015.

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