Chad Kelly Definitely Has a Small D*ck
Between Geno Smith’s BJ offer (thats a real thing Geno), and Alabama cock slapping Tennessee this past weekend, I have had a lot of penis on my mind lately. Ole Miss QB Chad Kelly has been on a similar waive length, but with now retired adult film star Mia Khalifa. Kelly has been trying to slide into Mia’s DMs for months now and she keep’s putting him on blast. This leads me to an overwhelming conclusion, that the uber talented Kelly, who is the nephew of Bills’ legend Jim Kelly, is compensating for a lack of size in the man department. Most would buy nice car, spend countless hours in Vegas or buying drinks for entire bars, or more logically, using your status as an Ole Miss legend and sleeping with every sorority floozy in Oxford, Ms. But no Kelly, sticking with his gun slinger mentality, went for the long ball to compensate for his tiny meat stick. Lets quickly recap Kelly’s failed attempts to try and hit on/have intercourse with the ex-porn star.
Before Ole Miss blew it against Florida State, Kelly reach out to the Khalifa, a known lusty Seminoles fan, with the above post.^
Khalifa, rightfully so, ripped Kelly a new asshole after her Noles beat Kelly’s Rebels. Kelly later deleted his Twitter account, because that’s what guys with small dicks do! The Chad, we are going with that nickname because it defines the size of his member, wasn’t done there. Month’s later, and i mean A SINGLE MONTH LATER, he would reactivate his Twitter and try and slide right back into the DMs…see below.
Excuse my french but, is this dude F***ing serious?????? Hours before blowing another game, he is still worried about trying to get with Mia Khalifa? She doesn’t even do porn anymore man! There are hundreds of other social media models you could be failing, to get with why go back to the one who already tore you apart? Or why not just be a normal college football player and take advantage of that fact that EVERY GIRL AT OLE MISS PROBABLY WILL SLEEP WITH YOU, SMALL DICK AND ALL!
This is more mind numbing that Kelly’s ability to hold onto the ball too long. Yet, something glorious came from these failed attempts. International adult film empire Pornhub reached out to Kelly to offer him their condolences and an offer too good to refuse. Take a look at this letter from Pornhub:
What a mind blowingly savage letter! They not only take a personal shot at state of Kelly’s football team, but they offer him a chance to practice how to talk to women with another porn star. That’s pure gold and I think Pornhub and myself feel the same way about Kelly.
Between his direct message failures and the overwhelming neglect he is showing to the fine ladies of Oxford, and trust me they are fine, Kelly is hiding/compensating for something…as all guys with small dicks do.