Realize the Truth: You’re a Jerk

There’s a part of dating when I have to come to grips with myself and admit the truth, realize the situation for what it truly is: I’m an asshole. Yes, I’m not always the victim. Sometimes, I actually bring this shit on myself. Don’t get me wrong, a majority of the time, guys are jerks. They’re selfish, controlling, rude, demanding, dirty, they want a woman to be their mother while also being the most stripper-like-seductive person they’ve ever dated; they’re indecisive. But yes, occasionally, I can be a tad bit of a prick.

It’s something that we all should admit. We’re not innocent in every single situation. People have different backgrounds and experiences to help them justify their actions. Hence, we can respond to certain scenarios in a very asshole-ish kind of way. Me, for example, I know when I’m being rude — after the fact. Always after the fact.

A couple of months ago, I went to a party with one of my friends. We had a great time. Good music, plenty of beautiful, educated people in one room. It was a nice vibe. Thankfully, I didn’t have to work the next day, so I made sure to have a good time. It was a two-level lounge. Downstairs, it was a basement. It was packed from wall-to-wall with people dancing and having fun. A series of DJs were on the turntables, switching out for different flows of music.

Eventually, a guy approached me. He spit his conversation. He seemed decent enough. (Especially decent enough if I wanted him to buy me a drink.) However, he actually wanted to have a conversation with me and go upstairs where it was a little bit quieter.

We made our way to the upstairs portion of the lounge. It was a bit classier. Couples were walking around dressed very well. Young professionals centered around the bar. More importantly, this group of individuals were drinking their cocktails while playing classic Mario on Nintendo. It was a great atmosphere.

So, being the ridiculous gamer that I am, as the guy was talking to me, my eyes kept wandering over towards the TV where the group was playing Nintendo. They really sucked in the first world at the second level where they have to go undergound with all of the blue bricks. They kept dying as if they never played the game. Ever. In their lives.

The guy asked me what I wanted to drink. I told him some sort of red wine. After my glass came, he was about to order his. At this part of the night, I was a few drinks in, and natural instincts started to take over: I wanted to play Mario, dammit. So, as soon as he ordered his drink, I told him I wanted to play Nintendo and made my way to that part of the bar. At some point, I realized the dickheaded move that I made and kept glancing back to see if he was there. Yeah, he was standing there drinking whatever it was that he ordered while talking to some guy. And then, I got side-tracked again when someone died and then it was my turn to play. After I finished, I looked around and didn’t see the guy. What made it worse? I couldn’t remember his name or what he looked like. I just knew what he was kind of wearing.

So, yes, there was a chance that I missed my Prince Charming. Why? For fucking Mario. Granted, Mario has been more consistent in my life than any other guy I dated, but still.

In my series of self-evaluations, I’ve realized that maybe there are times that we run away from a chance of a good thing. Maybe we get scared of the open-end of possibilities out there because of bad history. Or maybe, we’re just all jerks. Deep down. People have been jerks to us, so we’re jerks in return. It’s not a conscious decision. Clearly. I had a few drinks and the only thing on my mind was beating that damn level on Super Mario Bros. (Which, by the way, they died after I finished and had to switch and play Duck Hunt.) But nonetheless, we can’t always play the victim. Sometimes, a good opportunity can present itself and it’s up to us to take advantage.

Dating is like an improvisation game. In all of my years and training in acting and theatre, my teachers, professors and mentors always said to never say “no” onstage. Of course, don’t sell yourself in the dating world, but also be more open-minded, especially when we’re not looking. This guy could’ve been amazing. He could’ve been sweet, giving, have a good job and great goals with an awesome wardrobe and good credit, but I’ll never know. Because the dating scene managed to turn me into an asshole, and I blew him off to play some 8-bit video game console with a limited color selection. Yeah, my priorities as a later-20s-something are outstanding.

But think of all of the cool people I may have pushed aside for being an oblivious ass. Maybe someone didn’t wear their hair the right way, or maybe I didn’t like the fact that he said “mines” instead of “mine.” Then again, I could’ve turned down a date to have a Netflix night at home by myself. Or maybe playing a video game if he didn’t seem worth it. All in all, we can’t limit ourselves in our own comfort and act as though the fault always lies elsewhere. Sometimes, we may just be rude and nasty when it simply is not always necessary.

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