“It’s About Striking the Right Balance”

I find “balance” to be one of the most interesting words in the English language, simply because it can be applied to just about everything we do as humans. I remember seeing a meme early in the Pandemic that basically read: all you have to do to sound smart in a corporate setting is say ‘It’s about striking the right balance.’ It’s a phrase that means absolutely everything and, at the same time, literally nothing. While it is unfortunate that most people default to the saying in its most shallow form, I totally understand why they do. I am frequently guilty of doing so, as I’m sure you probably are if you stop and think about it. It’s easy, agreeable filler that bides time and demonstrates that you have at least some semblance of an idea what you’re talking about. There is enough ambient stress in this world that humans naturally gravitate toward tropes like that. It’s why you can say “This year has flown by,” OR “This month is taking forever,” and the person you say it to will curb their opinions and implicitly agree with you.

Growing up (or ‘adulting’ as so many people inexplicably started saying in the mid-2010s) takes many forms. One of the most constant for myself, and, based on my exchanges with peers I would venture to believe I’m not alone, is managing your own expectations and finding balance. Work-life balance. Eating out vs. cooking at home balance. Recharging in your free time vs. making the absolute most of your free time balance. Balancing your friendships vs. your relationship (a boy can dream…). Initially, your mid-20s come over to your house, bust into the room and tell you you have endless time and opportunity. They get you super hyped up about all of the opportunity you’ll have in your career, in your relationships, in redesigning your apartment, in taking up new hobbies. It’s really exciting! It’s the first time you have the means and experience and optionality to truly put yourself out there and explore! Unfortunately, the reality is much more mundane and stress-inducing. I find that so much of being this age is about constantly grappling the contradictory beliefs that you have all the time in the world while also slowly realizing that you’ll never have enough. I promise it’s not nearly as bleak as it reads, and quite frankly it’s one of the greatest parts about being human. It forces you to make tough decisions. If the stakes weren’t so high, the game wouldn’t be any fun. You have to think long and hard about where you want to be, what you want to do, and who you want to experience it all with. Sometimes that means skipping a vacation to focus on yourself. Sometimes that means going on a vacation you really don’t want to go on because it would mean a lot to somebody that means a lot to you. As each year passes, you become more and more aware of the dichotomy that exists between your newfound independence and your growing selflessness and changing priorities.

What I think we fail to realize is that failure has to be a part of all of it. Cognitive dissonance fueled by a narrow social media lens beats us over the head with success stories from people that don’t seem any different than we are. The only time you ever hear about failure is from somebody who is speaking in the past tense. They were there. They aren’t anymore. They already figured it out — why can’t I? We relate to the fact that they felt the way we do, but immediately feel lesser because our failure or uncertainty still reside in the present tense. As a society, we have this incredible ability to minimize successes and maximize failures. We view success in the binary (have I accomplished the singular goal I set out for — yes or no) and failure through a microscope. This makes every screw-up feel monumental and every little victory expected. Think about that! When success and failure are viewed within those confines, you are giving yourself one opportunity to succeed and limitless +1 opportunities to fail. It is no wonder it’s so easy to get bogged down by imposter syndrome or feel like you’re pacing behind your peers. I consider myself a fairly even-keeled, secure individual and I have immense trouble remembering any of the high-points I’ve experienced in the last however many years. Not exactly the case if you asked me about one of the hundreds of times I’ve screwed up—how unfair is that? Everyone can probably agree that they aspire to treat others with more grace. Why not extend yourself that same courtesy as you attempt to sort out the entire process of existing?

I don’t know exactly what spurred me to try and tackle these topics right now. I think it probably has to do with waking up some days with all the confidence and certainty in the world, and then waking up on others with no idea what the next 1, 3, 5, 10 or 20 years will look like for me. I suppose the point that I’m trying to make is that it’s perfectly okay to feel both ways. Sometimes these feelings are separated by a few minutes, and other times they are separated by entire chapters of your life. What’s most important is remembering that they are all equally a part of the journey, and the journey is of course the destination.