But, but…hire me, please.

Cover letter (circa right now):

I am a recent graduate from a liberal arts college, with a BA in Philosophy. I have recently moved to San Francisco and am seeking an opportunity as a junior or intern at (insert here: a. creative agency, b. marketing and advertisement firm, c. or anything at this point, really…). Attached is my resume, a recommendation letter and my LinkedIn profile. Please contact me if there are any openings.

Thank you for your time,

Bailey Hill


Translation:

When I was 20 years old, I decided to major in Philosophy because it was the only field I was able to express my thoughts and critical analysis without being scorned by the professor and the 3–4 folks who live and die by the textbook —you know, the “paragraph 3 on page 106 states…” type of shit. Another reason I had declared philosophy as my major is stemmed from a more general rationality, that I believe 94% of 19–22 year olds you find at a university would agree to. That rationality being: I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew I didn’t like math, natural science or the god awful, business and economics courses. So now what? Well, that one philosophy course was interesting, maybe I will head more toward that direction, for I had developed a form of thought I didn’t know had existed before. I became confident in my knowledge through debating and critique. Furthermore, building my own theories was just simply exhilarating and raw. So, that is what I did. I declared philosophy as my major by the end of my junior year. Given I received a BA in Philosophy, I admit I do not know anything of business management, coding, design, product management or finances. My skills are different — usually not listed in the “required skills” section of the job inquiry page. The skills I bring to the table are unorthodox in the sense that my skills are deeper than face value. So to hell with the “required skills”, here is a list of my acquired skills: A) analytical thinking —generating ideas on various problems and understanding the value of detailed factors, B) effective communication — consolidate and organize complex ideas with clarity and efficiency, C) adaptability — flexible with situations and ability to think clearly considering all perspectives, D) information management — ability to sort data and evaluate information, and E) theorize — the art of research, thought and persuasion.


Translation:

A year a half later, I can’t find a job to suite me, hire me or give a damn about my philosophical assets. Oops.

Resume Objective:

I am a free lance philosopher, seeking a career opportunity that allows me to continue building on creativity in writing, ideation and for god’s sake…sanity. I want to have a reason for what it is I do and in that, I want a constant flow of inspirtation from not only myself but from those who surround me 5 days a week. If I am going to spend more time with my co-workers than with my own dog, then these people need to be dope as shit. Look here, to simply put it, I just don’t want to wake up one morning in the middle of my mid life crisis with the realization that all my time has been wasted doing nothing particularly inspiring, awesome or fun.

Additionally, I have $20,000 in student loans that need to start being paid off. The sooner I have a pay check that accommodates these demands, the better.

So please, please just hire me…

Thank you for your time,

Bailey Hill

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